The weather is ‘sharp’ in the ‘Ou Transvaal’ for the end of Autumn, although this is the start of Flu season, allergies and all other ‘siektes’ are around and difficult to shake….
The Super 15 is reaching the end with only a few weeks left until the quarters…. Methinks that the standard of play, is Tukka dropping, and it is just tooooo much Rugger for the Guys to play, and those going to the World Cup will be bruised and sore, as the injuries mount up each week…..On an average weekend of 6 games, you are lucky if 2 are stand out games………I have been watching a bit of Heineken Rugger and must say that it is exciting, and although played at smaller grounds, the crowds are GR88888888, and the Geeeeeeeeeees is there..????
The Crusaders –Bulls game was a ‘Klap’ for the Blou Bulle @ Fort Loftus…..they did not have a clue, and the Crusaders have just arrived, Highveld conditions tired, BUT …. still managed to Drill the Bulls 45-13…. I think the only Bulls Shpieler to have a decent game was AG Snyman….. Duane Vermuelen (who I luv) looked like he had just run a 100 km marathon…..granted he won a couple of loose balls, BUT…..he looked finish, half way through the game, and Schalk Brits is definitely over the hill…..Hard to believe that the Bulls are near the top of the SA conference……They are going on a four game tour to OZ & NZ…..Einaaaaaaaaah…….. Richie Mo’unga was in superb form, as were quite a few other Shpielers…..
53,000 Blue Bulls supporters meet at Loftus for a "Blue Bulls Are Not Dumb" convention.
Victor Matfield addresses the crowd "We are all here today to prove to the world that Blue Bulls are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please". To loud applause Steve Hofmeyr gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
Victor asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds Steve says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then the Blue Bulls start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Victor says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance".
So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?"
Victor looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.
Everyone is disheartened and Steve starts crying.
But then the 53,000 Blue Bulls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Victor, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says,
"What is 2 plus 2?"
Silence hangs over the stadium.
Steve Hoffmeyer closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Blue Bull crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!" Ja Neeeeeeeeeeee! ! ! ! ! !
The Rebels beat the Reds in one of those games that was not going anywhere and all the Shpielers from both sides just seeming to run after the ball with no real plans on how to score……The Rebels won 30-24…. Genia & Cooper held the Rebels together
The Blues played well, BUT……could not contain Beauden Barret, and with Perenara popping up everywhere and Savea again lively, the Hurricanes were able to eventually get on top and beat the Blues 22-12…..Methinks the Hurricanes are the only ones that could get in the Crusaders was in winning the Super 15….
Klas moet sê wat hul gaan word as hul groot is. Almal word polisie manne, brandweer manne en verpleegsters. Jannie se beurt:
"Juffrou, ek gaan n gigolo word!" Juffrou sê hy moet verduidelik wat n gigolo is.
"Juffrou, ek gaan n Harley Davidson ry, ek gaan brandewyn drink en al die girls spyker".
Juffrou gee hom n moerse pak slae. "Jannie, verduidelik nou weer wat jy gaan word!".
Jannie antwoord: "n Klein gigolo juffrou". "Nou wat is dit Jannie?".
Hy antwoord: "Juffrou, ek sal maar my BMX ry, rooi koeldrank drink en maar draadtrek".
The Highlanders Jaguares game was played at a fast tempo, and there was plenty running Rugger……. The Highlanders scored an E-mazing try near the end to seal the win….. 32- 27…..;very close and very entertaining rugger
The Chiefs looked like they were going to lose this game against the Sharks, and managed to just edge in 29-23 …..It would have been an E-mazing win for the Sharks, who let it slip in the end…..
The Lions Waratah’s game was another free for all, with the Lions just holding on to win 29-28…..It was close, and even with home ground advantage, the Lions looked very ‘slap’ and were lucky to win it …….Hard to believe that the past few season’s the Lions were very dynamic…..they had no Ooooomph ????
The Brumbies Sunwolves game was a non-event with the Brumbies ‘moering’ them…. 33-0 …. There is no hope for the Sunwolves, and methinks it is right that they are out of the Super 15 after next season … They have to many imported Shpielers, and the locals will never come up to speed…..
New Employment Rules
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first apply to your superiors and with their approval you'll then be allowed to do pregnancy. It will only be allowed once in 10yrs and you only get 1 month maternity leave. No male shall get leave related to her wife's pregnancy, sickness or even death (he is not a midwife, a doctor nor an undertaker).
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks' notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:
All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets.
At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open..
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
PS - please charge the time spent reading this email to ANNUAL LEAVE.(Yislaaaaaaaaaaik…)
What a season it has been for spectators in the Premier league……as the tit for tit between Liverpool & Man City went on until the final games on Sunday….. and Man City ended up Champions by 1 point……..Sunday was also another low for Manchester United, losing 2-0 to Cardiff who have been relegated …..The Gonna have to make some tough $$$$$ decisions before next season, as much as 70% of the current Shpielers are not up to Standard, and it will cost big money to change them, and a lot of hard work…..They going to need to step up, as supporters are actually getting the ‘Moer In’…….Read this supporters roundup on Man United……Kolskoooooot https://strettynews.com/2019/05/13/message-to-manchester-united-from-disheartened-fan/?fbclid=IwAR2bqLgg_WRwagO83G9Zp5xgkp_URrIE_nNAerSNaFv_bGoR4cbHF3_QseI Top 4 of Man City, Liverpool CHELSEA & Spurs….Chelsea was a dark horse, BUT……they played fast , exciting Sokka throughout the season….. With the other finals still coming up, this will be a season to remember…
Words of encouragement fan the spark of genius into the flame of achievement. — Wilferd Peterson
"When we do what we have to do we are compliant. When we do what we choose to do we are committed." — Marshall Goldsmith
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. — Chinese Proverb
Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it. — Dee Hock
No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen. — Alan Watts
Racial prejudice, anti-Semitism, or hatred of anyone with different beliefs has no place in the human mind or heart. – Billy Graham, American evangelist
What strikes the historian surveying anti-Semitism worldwide over more than two millennia is its fundamental irrationality. It seems to make no sense, any more than malaria or meningitis makes sense. – Paul Johnson CBE , English journalist, popular historian, speechwriter, author
“And I'll close by saying this. Because anti-Semitism is the godfather of racism and the gateway to tyranny and fascism and war, it is to be regarded not as the enemy of the Jewish people, I learned, but as the common enemy of humanity and of civilisation, and has to be fought against very tenaciously for that reason” ― Christopher Hitchens , British-American author, columnist, essayist, orator, journalist, and social critic
“The only sane response to anti-Semitism is to monitor it, fight it, but never let it affect our idea of who we are. Pride is always a healthier response than shame.” – Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
The Sandton Shul had their celebration on Thursday morning with a breakfast & talk by Mordi Perlov, who is a Holocaust survivor….. and this coming Wednesday is Lag B’ Omer….and all the Major cities are having Communal ‘Bonfires’, with the Venue for Jozi at the Great Park Synagogue in the Park on Glenhove Street, and the Slaaaaaaapstad one at the Greenpoint Cricket Club…..
The Cohens were traveling back from Florida where they spent the Pesach holiday.
Waiting in line to check in, Shifra Cohen was trying in vain to get her group of rambunctious boys to calm down.
Finally, Shifra reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her,
"Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?"
The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes."
Still climbing every “Koppie” and posting the most E-mazing Pichaaaaaa’s on their website …..….. Jeff & Jenni are leaving Napal, and have posted more E-mazing Pikchaaaaaa’s….
The elections have passed on, very peacefully I think, BUT…..it has left even more questions than answers…..My predictions, from over a year ago, were spot on, with the ANC winning with a lower Majority and losing quite a lot of votes, the DA losing 2% of their Votes and the EFF (Everything For Free) gaining quite a bit, and in the Provincial elections, the EFF have become the official opposition, and ousted the DA ……Many are saying that it was the “Buffalo” factor that got the ANC home, ahead….and Cyril has said in a few speeches now that the ANC are going to wipe out corruption and corrupt councillors…..and all of a sudden the papers are reporting that quite a few of the ‘Gunovim’ might just resign, before being fired, so at least they can continue getting Fat –Cat pensions…..It will obviously make the ‘Buffalo’s’ task much easier……if this actually happens..????
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please
send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438,
and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time, he received the following reply: "Please send check.
If it's any good, we'll send the engine."
A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun...
He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
There is a lot of talk about the DA wanting to get rid of Mmusi Maimane, as many are blaming him for their dismal performance……I don’t think this will happen, as bringing in a ‘Vicer’ now, would totally kill the party, and would throw away all the gains over the past 25 years……and they just have not got a Member of colour to appoint….. Methinks with a bit of assistance , he can fulfil the role well, and for that matter the whole party must get some assistance, and regroup and have some concrete idea’s going forward…….
The Jewish Women’s Benevolent are having their yearly Morning Market and book sale at Jabula on Sunday 26th. From 8.00-12.30……. Anyone with spare books can call Shirley and they will collect….011 485 5232 or firstname.lastname@example.org …The yearly market has been going for many years, and is very popular….See http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15' for info……I remember ‘Amolikke Yoren’ making various food items from Latkes to Fried Fish for the Late Joan Goldberg Wow, must have been 25 years ago…..
Mahmoud Abbas, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality,
Goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds
the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?'" Mahmoud asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday."
Anne Brest, who has been doing photography for many years, has finally got her website going….. www.annebrest.co.za ….besides E-mazing Pikchaaaaaaaa’s, she specializes in family Genealogy, and has put together many family trees, sourcing the history, including photos and putting it all together …’Gib A Kuk’ around the website … https://annebrest.co.za/genealogy/ .. In 2009 Anne wrote a nostalgic look at Johannesburg ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and it went viral….. ‘Gib A Kuk’ at
Yom Ha’atzmaut was very well attended at Gold Reef City, and I believe it turned out to be a most festive celebration at Gold Reef City….. Pictures by Jason Crouse who Tukka captures the mood……… http://www.stantgsm.com/category/pictures/4 and SAUJS ( Souff Effrikken Union of Jewish Students) had their Celebration @ Churchill’s Bar, Melrose Arcg, and Ricci Goldstein took the Pikchaaaaaa’s….
The E-mazing Coffee Table book, ‘The Road through the Grove’, which calls back the past, of the history from the Johannesburg Drive In along the BIG LB (Louis Botha Avenue) to Hillbrow, and anything on either side from Highlands North High to KES, very few copies left, and I am selling them at R500 in the Johannesburg area and will get them delivered to you….. Don’t miss this E-mazing book….What a gift!!!!!!!!! Drop me an E-mail at email@example.com …..
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humour?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday." (Einaaaaaaaaaaah….)
A backscratcher will always find new itches;
What does Santa call his wife at tax time? …. A dependent Claus.
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."
The friend asks, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
The Eurovision ceremony is being held this Saturday night, and it is going to be a BIG event…… Hopefully the ‘Galeria’s’ don’t make Tzorris….. See the ‘Marathon Man’ Johnny Birin is there to see the show and offer a few tips……. And I see Madonna is also going, and has said she will not cancel, BUT….. http://www.virtualjerusalem.com/news.php?Itemid=29139 …. Not sure how they will handle all the security needed with high profile entertainers, and also the Drek on the borders to control…..read a very interesting article which said that the Israeli retaliation was VERY minimal due to Eurovision this week, and if the ‘Chaleria’s’ make a nuisance of themselves, after the weekend they will hit them very hard….???? Not sure how both sides can play cat & mouse….with lives at stake….?
Two aunties from Mitchell's Plain walk into a shop in Westgate Mall, looking for a 21st birthday present for their nephew.
They decide on monogrammed handkerchiefs and ask the sales assistant for ones with the letter "E" on them.
The assistant checks and after hunting for several minutes tells them he has almost all the letters of the alphabet but not "E".
Disappointed, the aunties leave the store and as they turn away from the counter, the assistant hears the one say to the other:
" Jirre Sera!!! nou wat gat ôs vir Endrew gie vir sy birfday!" (Ag Neeeeeeeeee…)
The Naledi Awards for Local productions take place next week ….With 14 successful and very prestigious years of the Naledi Theatre Awards under their belt, the Naledi Team is hard at work to make the 15th Annual Naledi Theatre Awards the most memorable awards ceremony to date. …The 2019 Naledi Awards for productions produced in 2018 will take place on 20th May at the Joburg Theatre on the magnificent Mandela Stage. Dawn Lindbergis the CEO of the Naledis ..Edith Venter and her wonderful team will be handling the invitations and Event. The Naledis will be shot for television by Clive Morris of CMP, now owned by Lala Tuku and Dom Gumede, and broadcast as a 90 minute spectacular on Kyknet and Mzansi Magic later in the year. See http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15 for more info about the event
Athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten or ignored.
Caterpillars have more muscles than humans.
There have been rumblings from the smaller parties about the election being ‘rigged’, because of the Ink on thumbs being able to be washed off and re - voting…… Methinks it is a load of Bobbameises, as only a few voters tried it, and for the ‘low life’ to claim they had lost votes is a joke, as 34 parties did not get a seat , and they lost their deposits, and also the Provincial election losses…..The IEC made R16,7 m in lost deposits……. No wonder the fly by night Drek are moaning and groaning…
No wonder this guy is the boss, he is sharp! You can’t be any fairer than this guy...
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Cyril Ramaphosa is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.
But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead.
This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn’t know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did.
I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'ANC ' bumper stickers on our employees ' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go.
I can’t think of a more fair way to approach this problem.
They voted for change... I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic. (Eishhhhhhh…)
Gerald David’s Taxi Service is available for reliable and friendly airport shuttles and more. Contact Gerald on either 082 907 5507 or 011 786 6580 (The ‘Yiddisher Shlepper’) ………. firstname.lastname@example.org
Julio Woznica is doing E-mazing tours ….and his Soweto tour is a winner….Julio can speak many languages and is a very good tour guide…..It’s for locals and tourists….It’s quite E-mazing how many locals have not toured locally… See http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15
Mazeltov to Ricci ( Blumberg) & Ricky Solomon’s on the Bris of their Zunnelle on Sunday…..To the Bobba’s & Zaida’s Mazeltov …Shelley & Michael Blumberg & Barry & Chantal Solomons and Great Grandparents Sandra & Peter Marks ….The Solomons are lifelong members of the Sandton Shul, and I have known Sandra (Furman) Marks for over 40 years…..The Marks’s were originally from Springs…..Was a Lekka Bris in Sandra’s home, and the weather was E-mazing…..
Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha……..
Mazeltov to Esther (Wineberg) & Yossi Shemtov on their engagement ….Esther is the daughter of Rabbi Dovid & Sara Wineberg, who used to be at Sandton Shul……Rabbi Wineberg is now the Rabbi of the Marais road Shul in ,Sea Point, Slaaaaaaapstad …..Mazeltov to the Wineberg & Shemtov families……
Sincere condolences to the Sher family on the loss of their Beloved Michael …Grew up with the family in Lichtenberg, and Mike’s dad had his general dealers store across the Road from my Dad’s butchery in the Location….. Mike & his Boet Cecil were at Potch Boys High ‘Amolikke Yoren…. Mike’s Late Mom Sarah had her brother in Lichtenberg also, the Late Dr Solly Shapiro ….. Sincere condolences to the whole family
Sincere condolences to the Woolf family on the loss of their Beloved Jeff…..met Jeff a few years ago, when I did the Medical aid for his company, and we really had some VERY interesting talks…….Jeff was still working flat out when he was over 90, and was a very accomplished engineer……. What a Gentleman…..Sincere condolences to the family….
I was planning to procrastinate, but I never got around to it
Whether you consider the above quotation wise, witty or silly, it can actually be quite a sobering thought. How many of us can truly say we don't put off important things we know we should have done yesterday? Don't you just go green with envy when you meet those super-efficient amazons who are so punctual, organized and always put together? Don't they infuriate you…with yourself?
From my own experience I now know that if something is important I better attend to it immediately, otherwise I simply don't trust myself to "get around to it." I know I could benefit from a Time Management course. In fact, I once signed up for one but I never made it there. No time. There are still so many new ideas, projects and plans I'd like to get around to. I know that with better personal discipline they might actually materialize.
You might be surprised to learn that effective time management is not only a professional value but also a religious imperative. This week's Parshah details the Jewish Festivals, in the context of which we read about the Counting of the Omer during the 49 days between Passover and Shavuot. Just as the Israelites counted the days after the Exodus in eager anticipation to receive the Torah, so do we count these 49 days annually.
But why count time? Time marches on inexorably, whether we take note of it or not. What value is there in counting the days? The answer is that we count these 49 days to make us conscious of the preciousness of every single day. To make us more sensitive to the value of a day, an hour, a moment. As Rabbi Sholom DovBer of Lubavitch once said, "A summer's day and a winter's night is a year."
I heard a classic analogy on this theme in the name of the saintly Chofetz Chaim, Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan (1838-1933). Life is like a picture postcard, he said. Ever had the experience of being on vacation and sending a picture postcard home or to a friend? We start writing with a large scrawl and then think of new things to say and before we know it we're at the end of the card and there's no more room. So what do we do? We start writing smaller and then when we're out of space we start winding our words around the edges of the card to get it all in. Before we know it, we're turning the card upside down to squeeze in the last few vital words in our message.
Sound familiar? Isn't life like that? We start off young and reckless without a worry in the world and as we get older we realize that life is short. So, we start cramming and trying to squeeze in all those important things we never got around to. Sometimes our attempts are quite desperate, even pathetic, as we seek to put some meaning into our lives before it's too late. (Maybe that's what a mid-life crisis is all about.)
So, the Torah tells us to count our days – because they are, in fact, numbered. We each have an allotted number of days and years in which to fulfil the purpose for which we were created. Hopefully, by counting time we will appreciate it better. So, whatever it is that is important for each of us to get done, please G d, we will all get around to it.