The E-toll saga rages, with the Men from the Ministry saying; No E-tag ..NO license..
Not sure that Cosatu and the Manne going to be happy with this…?????
Must say that there has been a massive show of resistance to the Tolling, BUT…….Methinks that most of the “ Vicers” will go and get E-tags, because we are ‘Poep’ scared to quote the Comedian Nik Rabinowitz , who I went to see on the weekend…………Not sure if they can twin the Tags / licenses, BUT….on a Seriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas note, most won’t hold back, and will get the Tags, before end of April……
The position in Israel is quite tragic, due to the ‘Mumzers’ starting to fire many rockets at civilians, and of course testing the Government and military of Israel, knowing that another major strike by Israel will start the ‘Bobbameises’ all over again, and with Iran still looming large, what are the Israeli’s to do……….really E-mazes me how useless the World has become, and cannot see thru’ the drek…..
Prayer for Israel………….what a tune………………TEFILA for MEDINAT ISRAEL
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam,goes up to his crusty old professor, who is
renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"
Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"
Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can't give me
the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".
Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"
Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer.
Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get
the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a
really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and
neither logical nor legal? "
To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment) ,all the students immediately raise their hands.
"All right" says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer.
"It's quite easy, sir" says the student. "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal nor logical !!!!!!" ( Otazay……………..).
Was a guest at Bev (Pokroy) & David Ezekiel’s wedding at the Great Synagogue on Sunday, and it was ‘Tukka’ a very nice Simcha, with two mature people joining families………..David has been part of Catering at the Chevra for years, and Bev is a Therapist at Our parents Home……..had Steven & Bev Adler at our table, and Steven is a scream a minute……Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/category/classifieds/6
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,
'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said,
'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.
With the sermon complete, he sat down. . ..
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365; 'Shall We Gather at the River.'"
(Smile - life is too short not to!.............)
Maccabi Stag have another GR8888888888888 speaker lined up for the 29th. March @ Beyachad @ 5.30…..…Graeme Pollock, one of ‘our’ greatest if NOT greatest Batsman will be speaking about the current NZ-Souff Effrikken tour…
Call 011-645-2557 …past few meetings have been FULL so call Maxi and book
A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has".
Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked,
"How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face...
I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."
So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"
"Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!"
This past weekend was the Argus Cycle race with 35,000 cyclists riding over ‘Chappies’ (Chapman’s Peak), and along the coast…….saddest moment was the Ladies leader, who was involved in a 20 Bicycle pile up, and was just 100 yards short of the finnish…..many Yidden rode in the race, and one of the balaboses at Suikerbossie, ‘Mickey’ Smith actually Drove an Ice Cream bicycle, sponsored by BOS Iced tea…….my ex Stan & Pete Partner finished his 19th Argus, and my Chaver Solly Zaidel (Soviet Jeans) also went down…….E-mazing how many riders got smashed up while training, and Tony Lenhoff who works with me at SASFIN, had his leg badly broken in a smash with a truck…….Dangerous sport this cycling……
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice.
I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer.
So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats." ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…).
Tukka a blast from the past….Kevin Bonner , a Stan & Pete waiter in the early 80’s, is in the promotion business and he is running a proper Quiz @ METZUYAN QUIZ NIGHT - Bring your friends, family or colleagues to a fun and dynamic quiz night at Metzuyan in Rosebank on Monday 26th March 7.30pm The quiz covers a range of topics from history to science and nature, movies, sport , music, current events etc The quiz will include general knowledge, trivia, picture quiz rounds, who am I rounds, speed quiz rounds etc. Cost R 35pp Prizes to be won. A special quizwizz menu will also be available. Teams of 4-8 per team. Early Booking is essential as places are already filling up fast. The quizmaster on the night will be Kevin Bonner. To Book call or sms Larry on 082 888 5355" …. Kevin was a Teacher at King David Victory Park ‘Amolikke Yoren’……sounds like GR8888888888 fun……
LONDON TIMES – FEB 2012 QUOTE OF THE WEEK-
Interesting point of view Affirmative Action: "South Africa is the only country in the world where affirmative action is in the favour of the majority who has complete political control. The fact that the political majority requires affirmative action to protect them against a 9% minority group is testament to a complete failure on their part to build their own wealth making structures, such that their only solution is to take it from others."
Finally, a word recently coined to describe South Africa's current political situation.
Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy)- a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.
Adam Davis has this E-mazing app for benching, and you can use the Lite version free of charge, and for the E-fundi’s, you can get the real one…. Our Free (LITE) version is available now on the App Store... http://tinyurl.com/BentchingLITE
Dating advice from the Rabbi…………..
Every now & then I get a GR888888888 request to make a ‘Shiddach’ … this is a 30 year old male, Jewish, Psychologist, who is looking for his ‘Bashiert’…….the few times I have been motivated to get involved in Shadgening (match making), I forgot to mention that although the ‘Boychick’ is Jewish, he is not Frum…Trust me, he is no Ragmonis case, and a thorough gentleman, from the Shtetl (Glenhazel) area…….sooo if any ‘Meidlach’ would like to meet my Prince , just drop me an E-mail (Strictly confidential)… email@example.com If you are looking for a Frum date, look no further than J WED… http://www.stantgsm.com/newsletter
The prospective groom is in a tizzy.
“You told me that this girl was a picture, something unusual, a regular beauty.
So when I saw her last night, what did I see? One ear is larger than the other and higher too. The eyes are crossed, the nose is crooked, and one side of her face droops.
A real monstrosity.”
“All right, all right,” says the shadchen. “I see already. You don’t like Picasso!”
A shadchen has assured the prospective groom that the girl he has for him comes from a fine family but that the father ‘alava hasholem’ is no longer alive.
During the period of engagement, the groom learns that the father if alive but is serving a prison sentence.
He runs to the shadchen: “how could you lie about such a matter?
Why did you tell me that her father was dead?” To which the shadchan responds,
“Do you call that living?” ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah….)
Got an e-mail requesting info on two ‘Yiddisher’ Meidlach that went to Pietermaritzburg High….. Pietermaritzburg Girls High School is having its 50th reunion and are looking for the following people: Hazel Kirkel Erling. Her father had the hardware store in Pietermaritzburg and Margaret Ginsberg Grunebaum..Please contact Rae Higgins on 0768141794 if you are able to assist .or drop me an e-mail @ firstname.lastname@example.org
An Arab enters a taxi..........
Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”
The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
So get out and wait for a ‘Chasershe’ camel.” (OY…………………)
I see the news that ‘Shani’ Krebs is being released from Thailand prison after 18 years has hit the headlines, and I am sure he will be in the news a lot, after being one of the longest serving foreigners in a Thai prison……Shani was at Arcadia, and went to King David Victory Park, and has had E-mazing support from his family, friends and total strangers …. He is a very good artist, and a few of his pictures were put in a album and given to him on his 50th. 2 years ago…. http://www.stantgsm.com/view-post/shani%20krebs%2050th%20by%20louise%20fisher%20/920
Paddy is on a bus, when a young woman sitting opposite him, starts to breast feed her baby.
"Come on, eat up, or I'll give it to that man over there," she says to the baby.
10 minutes later, she is still trying to feed the baby and says, "Come on, or mummy will give it to that man over there." …….Paddy looks over to the woman and says …………….
"For heaven's sake missus, will you make your mind up.
I should've got off this bus 3 stops ago!"
Family Lazarow to tackle Arctic like conditions and of course Volcano’s etc……. http://lazarowhike.blogspot.com/
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at; www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to Lauri (Wainberg) & Marc Cohen of the arrival of their Prince, Doron Ariel, in Tooo-Run-Tooo last week…..Don’t know where to start, as I know the whole ‘Mishpocha’ soooo well. Lauri was the Chairlady @ Sandton Shul for a few years, Marc sang in the Shul choir for MANY years, and his rendition of Aveinu Malkenu on Yom Tov brought a tear to ones eyes…..He started singing it when he was Barmitzvah….His Dad Roy also sang in the Choir for over 30 years, and Roys boet Melvyn was also at Sandton Shul…The Broers are in Israel and Marc & Lauri in Tooo-Run-Tooo……….I knew Lauri’s two sets of grandparents, the Teitelbaum’s and the Wainbergs…….and of course Solly Wainberg’s ‘schvester’, Libby Strous is married to my good Chaver Max, who are also Sandton Shul members……I could go on and on, BUT…wish the Bobba’s & zaida’s Bernice & Solly, Leslie & Roy much Mazel and Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…..they sent a few pictures of the bris, and I am sure many will remember these GR88888888888888 families ;
Happy 18th. to ‘Cuzzie’ Jamie Kerem, who has his birthday today in Atlanta……His Zaida, Sarge (Norman) Weitzman was my Stan & Pete partner , and lives in New Zealand……..How the family are spread……many more Jamie….
Mazeltov to TRAVICE & Irwin Rabinowitz on their 33rd. Wedding anniversary…Many more………………….
Mazeltov to Myron & Shelley Zaidel and Jenny Zaidel on the occasion of Lisa’s engagement to Stuart son of David Kagan and Tette & Jeremy Joffe…….Myron has been my neighbor and Shul row ‘Chaver’ for many years………Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishocha’……
Mazeltov to Andy Kitay (ex SA) daughter of Stan and Rosemary Kitay who married Sam Zivot, son of Carla and Lou Zivot of Vancouver BC recently….The Kitays live in Edmonton, Canada and there Zunnelle played Balfour Sokka with my ‘lightie’ Martin…..Stan’s Boet Martin Kitay is in Sydney these days and was the local dentist in Sandton, ‘Amolikke Yoren’……I also know the Greenspan family and the Promnicks in Edmonton…….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’….. Pictures ;
Mazeltov to Tamsyn (Egnos) & Gary Rutstein on their Chasene @ Summer Place recently……. I think I did Gary’s barmy ‘Amolikke Yoren’ ….Gary’s Dad Theo of course brought Rental TV to Souff Effrikka, through his company Teljoy…….Theo is a Nephew to the Sun King Sol Kerzner, who flew in for the Chasene…….. Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha, and a Groiser Dank to Trevor Sachs for the E-mazing pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/?cat=17
|MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;
General ‘Tips’ on how to prevent being robbed / hijacked ……..
• Be familiar with your environment.
• Get to know who belongs in the vicinity of your home or workplace, and who does not.
• Keep your eyes open for anything out of the ordinary.
• Lock all doors and close windows before driving off.
• Try to vary your route to work, the gym – all places you travel to regularly.
• Hijackers are professionals too; they plan their attacks carefully.
• Ensure all your mirrors are adjusted to give you an optimal all-round view of your surroundings.
• Try to stop about 5m behind the car in front of you at a stop sign or traffic light – it makes for an easy getaway if trouble arises.
• False appeals for help.
• “Accidents” such as having your car rammed from behind…..
• Someone trying to get help from a stationary car…..
• Your electric gates being jammed…..do not go out to investigate….drive away and call someone first
|Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011- 487-1000)
for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos
Stan and the Clan.
Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item