Good Shabbos 7 6 2018 

Dear All,

He weather have been very cold this past week in  the ‘Ou  Transvaal’ with rain, and very cold mornings, BUT….by mid-day the sun usually come out bright and warms the day a ‘Biesel’…… They reckon that last week all dams in the Cape were fuller than last year this time, and during the week, The Cape had huge rainfall which should top the dams up a bit more, which is good news, although it is very difficult to pick up any positivity about the rain received…….. More than 30mm of rain is fell in the catchment area of Theewaterskloof, the biggest dam on the weekend….Methinks all the Municipality are interested in, is to get more money out of the suffering public……and do ‘Boggerall’ about trying to improve the storage of the precious water falling…..

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.

The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"? ( Gans Mishuga….)

"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. “I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Round 16, No SA teams, and the last games before the International break……

The Highlanders-Hurricanes game was another epic, with both sides showing GR8888 skills……. To have 2 ‘Scrummies’ like Smith & Pejanaro in one game, both NZ, and we cannot even find one decent one….. Both played very well, and of course Ben Smith’s jinx was E-mazing….Tough game, BUT…..the Highlanders came out 30-14 winners……. I picked the Hurricanes, as they have a power team, BUT….on the day, the Highlanders produced the goods……….. 

The Blues –Rebels game was an eye opener, with the Rebels beating the Blue’s which I thought was not possible….The Blues were just lethargic, make many crucial errors……. 20-10 ……The Chiefs – Crusaders was also a epic tussle, and in the end the Crusaders played their style of vintage Rugger, soaked up the pressure, and eventually took charge of the Match…….good to see Israel Dagg back in action, BUT….Sam Whitlock is sorely missed, and hopefully he gets over the injury quickly….. 34-20… Tukka two incredible games, involving 4 NZ teams…….

Jewish Rye Bread ……….

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. 

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. 

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much


The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. 

It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies. 

You'll feel like 40 again!"   So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?" 

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"   

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said,

"My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."   

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this but me! ( Eishhhhhhhhhh…)

The Reds –Waratah’s was a VERY high scoring match, 52-41 and when scores hit that level, anything can happen, and the ‘Tahs came out winning……not GR88888 Rugger, BUT…exciting

The ‘Bokke’ V Wales was a bit of a ‘Yoke’……Playing in Washington under severe climatic conditions ( for both sides)…)… not sure why….???? BUT….the game was played between SA B and Wales B, and the amounts of mistakes that the Bokke made, does not bode well for new coach Rassie Erasmus…….  ‘Jantjies’, fumbling passes, and Jessie Kriel, supposedly ONE of our better prospects, made soooooo many basic errors, hard to believe he is so highly regarded…????..Chillyboy is just not up to International standard, and Robert Du Preez having 2 kicks charged down in the 7 minutes he was on, was shocking with the second costing the Boks a win…….. Steph Du Toit had a Blinder, and although I did not rate Ivan Van Zyl, I think he had a good game, and Esterhuizen was GR888888888…..for the rest, they should carry bags for the team until they are up to standard….. A ‘KAK sleg’ performance, and hopefully, this weekend, with a FULL Test team on show, we can do a lot better…….. The team was announced just now, and Methinks the Poms are going to ‘Slag’ our Backline, which is useless….De Allende….What is Rassie thinking…??? The Beast is a spent force…Klaaaar gepraat, and Franco Mostert is a GR88888 Shpieler, but……him and Snyman at Lock…?????? Besides Willie at the back (Thank G-D), NO experience whatsoever……….. My prediction is that we are going to be ‘Slagged’ @ Ellis Park……….

Gatiep was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. 

His wife Maraai had long ago given up trying to get him to change. 

One day Gatiep came home with another one of his unusual purchases. 

It was a robot that Gatiep claimed was actually a lie detector.  

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Gatiepie, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Gatiepie was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? 

Why are you over 2 hours late getting home from school? Asked Gatiep. 

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Gatiepie. 

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Gatiepie, knocking him completely out of his chair. 

'Son,' said Gatiep, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.' 

'We went to Boebie's house and watched a movie.' said Gatiepie. 

'What did you watch?' asked Maraai. 

The Ten Commandments.' answered Gatiepie. The robot went around to Gatiepie and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. 

With his lip quivering, Gatiepie got up, sat down and said, 

'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called "The Sex Queen." 

'I am ashamed of you son,' said Gatiep. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' 

The robot then walked around to Gatiep and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him senseless. 

Maraai doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Gatiepie. After all, he is your son!' 

With that the robot immediately walked around to Maraai and slapped her unconscious!!

( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik, The Kaylikka’s will get it eventually………..)

‘Gib A Kuk’ at Bill Van Zyl’s’ Rugger round up with soooo much ‘deep’ info on the Tests coming up in June…….. Sa V England, NZ V France, Australia V Ireland and Argentina V Wales… Gonna be GR8888888888 Rugger… 

The Blitzbokke in the ‘7’s’ @ Twickenham reached the Finals, BUT…… Fiji the spoilers were also in the final, and in the end, they deserved the victory…… The Blitzbokke are still blooding in new Shpielers, and Cecil Africa was missed dearly…..The Fiji Shpielers are massive, BUT….can ‘hardloop’ very fast…. Dat’s us for this year, reckon the Fijians will wrap it up in the last competition…..

Those in the USofA can get their supply of Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from Joburg Kosher Foods  details at' …... 

Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” 

“Nothing is as strong as gentleness, nothing as gentle as real strength.” 

Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar 

“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” 

When I stand before G-d at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. 

There is no road to freedom; freedom is the road. 

Brute force, no matter how strongly applied, can never subdue the basic human desire for freedom. 

“Poverty is like punishment for a crime you didn't commit.”  

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little." - 

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." 

No Cease fire on the Agenda, as reported in the world press…………….

Israel, Oh Israel……………… 

Why did Palestinian Arabs Leave, and who was Responsible?.. By Eli Hertz

Will Souff Effrikka survive by Allen Swiegers… 

With the situation in Israel very grave, the South African Friends of Israel have started a petition and everyone is asked to PLEASE sign the petition….It takes a few seconds, to try and get as many signatures to present to the SA Government to NOT sever diplomatic ties will Israel …… 

The ‘Kite’ terror is Tukka frightening, and unfortunately, steps will have to be taken to stop it, which means more deaths, and further isolation of the Yiddisher people….These are ‘Mumzeirim’ of the highest order…… It suits the Mumzers to have the continuing violence, to get world sympathy, and of course the $$$$$$$ then follow…

Reckon that the Chevra Kadisha are quite E-mazing in the Beloved Country, and when people Tukka have nobody to help, they help….especially on the Burial side, where they are called on soooo often to bury dear ones, who have not a soul left in the Beloved Country, and really make relatives and friends overseas feel a bit better by taking care of those in need in their final hour…..Big Shakeach to all the ‘Wekkers’ at the Chev……

Petrol is going up and up, and with the Crude Oil price going from +/- R40 a barrel to R75 a barrel is causing huge increases, and on top of it, the ‘Mighty Rand’ has been lagging lately, and at R12,50 to the $$$, Petrol will keep rising, and with the 82c a litre announced, goods across the board and transport is going to go sky high…..OY, overseas travel will also be effected……..

Eli is a Genealogist of note……….. Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog…E-mazing news from 'Der Heims' & The 'Beloved Country'….   ..

Writes about Zhetl, Slonim and Zelva…and Litouka……On The Road In Belarus ..

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.

 She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.

He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?"

 She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh . . . I . . ."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." ( Oy…vy)

The Comrades….here again, this coming Sunday for the down run….. NB; The official distance of the 2018 Comrades Marathon as well as changes to the route have been confirmed by the Comrades Marathon Association (CMA). CMA Race Director, Rowyn James says, “The officially measured and certified distance for this year’s Down Run is 90,184km.” The 2018 Comrades Down Run will be slightly longer than the previous Down Run route. The 2016 route was 89,208km. Oy,that is about 1 Km longer…Mmmmmmm, I suppose it does matter when the winner wins in a bit longer time….??? The race over the years just keeps on attracting runners from around the World, and quite a few Yidden have flown in for the event….My Chaver Danni Suskin from Atlanta and Hilton Kahlberg from Oz….. Hilton’s Dad Dennis is a ‘Landsleit’ of mine, as he came from Dorp not far from the Shtetl of Lichtenberg……. Rabbi Shlomo Wainer will be waiting for all the Yiddisher runners @ Hillcrest…. All welcome for a Brocha, refreshment and a ‘Bear Hug’ from Rabbi Shlomo…., , and has a whole Comrades Shabbos planned….. 

Next Sunday at Huddle Park is a Groiser Walk for Maccabi and many other organizations …. ‘Gonna be a fun day…. Besides Maccabi there are many Yiddisher organizations participating and you can select them to receive your donation…. See 

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

 Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. 

So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. 

On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.

 Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped.

Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"

Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!"

Dan jumps... and sinks clear up to his neck in manure!

"I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" He shouts at his friend.

"I did..." Explained Bob, "but I landed head first!" ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaah………..)

Definitely Game Reserve time at the moment with many Yidden hitting the various parks and the Pikchaaaaaa’s have been E-mazing……. Gone are the days when you could get into the Kruger national Park, a few weeks before, and pay VERY little for a Camp Bungalow…..The prices have gone Mishuga, and the Private Lodges are in $$$$$$US, soooo they are very expensive…… The true Game Reserve visitor (photographers) still prefers the KNP I see……. ‘Gonna get there again, one of these days……

Eishhhhhhhhhhhhhhkom is starting to worry me……toooo many reports of blackouts, although Eishhhhhhhhhhkom has denied it is planned load shedding…..Some areas have been have no electricity, day after day, same time roughly…..Makes one think if we are in for a rough Winter season, which looks like it is going to be very cold…..????

Eishhhhhhkom would like to remind its customers that it is no longer politically correct to refer to power failures as "black outs".

Reference must now be made to "previously lit" areas.

The 'Koppie' & Mountain climbers, Jeff & Jenni are still climbing every 

'Koppie' & Mountain...     'Gib A Kuk’

Still climbing every “ Koppie” and posting the most E-mazing Pikchaaaaaaa’s on their website …… Jeff & Jenni have just started their 9th. year of ‘Koppie’ climbing around the world….. That is E-mazing, and are in Austria climbing at the moment…. Austria, Bruck an der Mur: Hike to Peak, Rennfeld, and onto Croatia… 

The Miracle Drive Golf Day was held at Houghton Golf Course, and what an event it turned out to be, with Food & the ‘Shikker’ merchants on a few holes, offering a good rest for the weary Shpielers……The course was in excellent condition, taking into account that it is winter…… They had all sorts of gimmicks, like measuring the Hit off distance of golfers etc……. The Prize giving was another winner, with superb prizes given out…… Pictures; 

As the catering staff are clearing up after Benjy’s Barmitzvah party, they notice that one of the gold spoons is missing – and it’s the one from where Rabbi Bloom sat. 

So they tell the hosts, Moshe and Sadie, of the disappearance. 

"Can you believe it, Sadie?" says Moshe, "But how can we call our Rabbi a gunnif? 

We’ll just have to keep quiet about it." 

12 months later, whilst out buying bagels one Sunday morning, Moshe finds himself next to his Rabbi. 

"Moshe, I’m glad we’ve met," says Rabbi Bloom, "what’s the problem, why have you been avoiding me?" 

Moshe replies, "Now that you ask, Rabbi, I’ve been avoiding you ever since we discovered one of our gold spoons missing from Benjy’s party." 

Rabbi Bloom says, "But why didn’t you ask me about this.

I put the spoon in Benjy’s Tefillin bag. 

He obviously hasn’t opened it since his Barmitzvah day." (Oyvevoy…………………).

I suppose road works worldwide are virtually the same…..The Galeria’s arrive on the first few days, and are busy like hell, BUT….by the second week, you cannot see anything being done, and they leave the roads all messed up, and the congestion is Shreklach, and of course not a Cop in sight….. They have been working on Bowling ave, near my house, and have left some sections with one lane only, and the whole day there is a queue of cars waiting to pass the deviation, with not a roads ‘wekker’ in sight…… and this is a main road in a suburban area……Don’t even want to mention the BIG LB (Louis Botha Avenue), which has been in a mess for over 2 years, and there seems no end in sight for the next few years….. Same ‘Modis Operandi’ as Bowling Avenue, except it is 8 times longer…… That pedestrian bridge over Grayston Drive in Sandton is ‘Klaaaaar’, BUT……they are still cleaning up around the bridge…….hopefully they will be out before the 3 year period comes up in September…..

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was no G-d.

He said, "G-d if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. 

I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am G-d, I'm still waiting."

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240-pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said. 

The football player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, hit the professor full force, sending him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken, and said, 

"Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"

The football player replied, "G-d was busy; He sent me!" ( True story….???)

On Saturday, the Chocolate Den in Glendower is having a Chocolate festival, All-you-can-devour Everything Chocolate table for only R50 (R25 for children) …….. Call to Book: 011 453 8160 … Tony Birin welcome one & all ….. GR888888888 fun to be had…..

A Good Shabbos reader, Leon Moss , who is ‘Amper’ 85, lives in Israel, and as a past time, writes about the goings on in his retirement village in Israel ( not Protea), near Netanya ……….. Leon is also an ‘old’ boy of Highlands North High School………he mentioned that he has a few ‘Meisa’s’ and I said send them to me .I have put it on the info section…Click here;

Yossi has been living by himself for many years, but when he reaches 30 he decides that he has had enough already of feeling lonely. 

So he goes to see a local Shadchen (Matchmaker). 

"I’m looking for a nice wife," Yossi says. 

"OK, you’ve come to the right place," says the shadchen. 

"So what kind of ‘nice wife’ would suit you best?" 

"Well," replies Yossi, "she doesn’t have to be rich, she doesn’t even need to be beautiful or have a great figure. What I’m looking for is a lebediker fisch ( Full of life)." 

A few days later, the shadchen contacts Yossi. "I’ve found someone for you." 

Two months later, Yossi and Rachel get married. But when, five months later, Rachel gives birth to a lovely bouncing boy, Yossi immediately contacts the shadchen. 

"I have a complaint to make about your selection process," Yossi says. 

"I asked for a leberdiker fisch, not a gefilte fish!"  (OY VAY……………………..).

Our Minister of Education. Angie Motshekga, reckons that History must become a compulsory subject for Matric….. Eishhhhhhhh, more brainwashing on the horizon…..Why she does not try ad better the education, instead of looking at the political angle I would not know…… Wonder if they even have textbooks with the ‘New’ history Syllabises…. Phew only planning it for 5 years’ time….. Reminds me of the Rush to change all names around the Beloved country, from Cities to street names……… Eishhhhhhhhhhhh , some people’s priorities….?????  … and after Winnie passed away, and ‘Young Julius’ demanded that Slaaaaaaapstad airport be named after her, I see that it is going to be named after ‘Madiba’……. And all the other Airports are also going to be renamed, that have City names at the moment….These are important issues that have to be resolved…..

A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and she decided it was time to kick the habit.  She really took it seriously, even changing her driving route to avoid her favorite shoe store.  One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box.  

Her husband grinned at her, but it didn't faze her at all.

"These are very special shoes," she explained.  

"I accidentally drove by the shoe store and there in the window were the most perfect shoes I've ever seen!  I felt this was no accident, so I thought I'd let fate decide.  

If I would get a parking spot directly in front of the shop, the shoes were meant for me.  

And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!" ( Ja Neeeeeee…)

The newest ‘High’ profile suspected murder of Susan Rhode, at Spier wine farm 2 years ago has started, and the Husband, (suspected of murder) has gone to GR88888 lengths to prove that it was suicide and not murder, and he is very convincing…… Methinks a bit tooooo convincing……. He is a very intelligent man, and after the past few high profile trials, I think he has tried to mater the act of confusion, and is gunning for the Cops/ State, and going on VERY convincingly about how it was suicide and not murder, Just like ‘The Oscar’, Methinks he will be found guilty……..BUT… is still going to go on for a while…..

Anne Sclar's saying for the week….. Travelworx ;

What’s stopping you..?? That’s right….Nothing…….

Justice Malala gives a good reason for supporting the ‘Buffalo’, Cyril Ramaphosa, instead of looking and criticising what he has not been able to do in his first 100 days…… Methinks that he has Humungous ‘Tzorris’ from the Zuma supporters who surround him in the Government, and even Zuma himself, ‘The Saint’ keeps on crying that he has no idea why people are saying he must be tried and go to Cheder….For what he asked at a rally this week…??? “I have not done anything wrong”….. and it goes further by him standing by his ‘Tjommies’…., The Gupta’s by saying that just because the Gupta’s mixed with a few Government officials, does not mean that they Captured the Government……. Eishhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and of course the court ruling this week, that the R250m seized from the Gupta’s must be released, has given the Gunovim new found courage….Surely there is someone who can get in and sort the ‘Zupta’s’ out ….??? Or have all the doer’s been captured…??? 

Chappies.. Did U know ………. %20fascinating%20story/5408 

The human body contains 96,000km of blood vessels

Did you know that 11% of people are left handed

Never thought I would actually go as low as to call the DA, the Desperate Alliance, which they are being called, BUT…..of late, Mmusi Maimane has just not being making sense, and his latest confession to the Sunday Times, was that Helen Zillie should have been cut off from ANY decision making, and he should have been the overall ‘Balabos’…….. with Ooooom Cyril coming in, and some positivity coming back, Mmusi will have to come up with some NEW policies to take the DA forward, instead of relying on court cases, to sort out every little matter…… 

Gatiep was working at the local fish plant in Mitchells Plain when he  accidentally cut off all ten fingers. 

He went to the emergency at Melomed in Mitchells Plain and when he got there Dr. Johannes Magatla was on duty  and looked at Gatiep and said: 

"Lets have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Gatiep replied: "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?" replied Dr. Magatla.

"Ag, voetsek man", shouted Gatiep. "Can't you see there are no fingers?"

Dr. Magatla shouts back and tells Gatiep:

"Rememba - this is 2018! 

We got microsurgery, and a myriad of incredible hi-tech medikal technology availabull to put da fingers bek and make your hands like new again."

"Now answer me dat kwestion, why did you not bring da fingers?"


Gatiep replies: "Ek se man! "How the Blurry hell was I supposed to pick them up!" (Eishhhhh..)

KPMG is looking at retrenching 400 ‘wekkers’, and seems to be one of the few who are actually suffering after the ‘State Capture’ episode…… they are losing huge clients, and Methinks that their days are over in the ‘Beloved Country’…..The only reason they were punished is because they are a visible company, and all the ‘Zupta’ mining/coal Skandaaaaal’s seem to have been left alone…????

Gerald David’s Taxi Service is available for reliable and friendly airport shuttles and more. Contact Gerald on either 082 907 5507 or 011786 6580 (The ‘Yiddisher Shlepper’) ……….  

FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk'   at;    …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665

Mazeltov to Aaron Ossip on the occasion of his Barmitzvah at Sandton Shul....Mazzies to Daniella (Rittoff) & Anton… Grandparents, Mervyn Ossip, Charlene Goldberg and Marissa Rittoff …. Aaron did very well in Shul, and celebrated at Level 3 in Sandton in the evening……Lovely weekend……


Sincere condolences to the Green family on the loss of their Beloved Sid…..Met Sid ‘Amolikke Yoren’ at the Old Jewish Guild where he was a bowler …. Sincere condolences to the family…….

Sincere condolences to the Gecelter family on the loss of their Beloved Minnie….. The mother of Gail Perez and the Late Colin Gecelter……and the wife of the Late Louis Gecelter, who passed away not so long ago…..Minnie lived till a good age, but will be sorely missed by all…… Minnie & Louis were very well known in the Beloved Country, before they went of Aliya…..Sincere condolences to the whole family..




MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff. 

Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan 

Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………

Cell- 082-4547860

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,’                                                                                BH   
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’


                                    Draw Your Own Conclusion?

Some conclusions are more obvious to come to than others. Sometimes the most obvious conclusion isn’t necessarily correct. Drawing our own conclusions can often be a risky business.

Take the case in this week’s Parsha. The spies sent by Moses return from their reconnaissance mission of the Promised Land with a frightening report about the fierce, warrior nations of Canaan. The Jewish People are dejected, frightened, and even weep at the thought of their impending invasion, convinced it can only be a suicidal mission impossible. The Almighty is angered, the people are punished for their lack of faith in His promise, and the spies go down in history as the villains in the story.

But why? What, in fact, was their sin? Moses asked for a report of the land. They came back and reported exactly what they had seen. They told no lies. The land was formidable. The inhabitants were huge and powerful. The fruits were extraordinarily large. They even brought back samples to prove it. So if it was all true why were they punished?

The answer lies not in the report but in their conclusion. The facts as the spies presented them were entirely accurate. The sin was their conclusion, Lo nuchal la’alot – “We cannot ascend to that people for it is too strong for us.” Moses had sent them on a fact finding mission. Their job was to bring back information. Nobody asked them for their personal opinions. The whole point of their mission was to gather the data necessary for the Israelites to find the best way of conquering the land. That it was going to happen was a given. G-d had promised them the land, told them of its natural beauty and assured them of success. 

The same G-d who just miraculously delivered you from Egypt, the mightiest superpower on earth, split the sea for you and revealed Himself in all His glory to you at Sinai has now said that the Promised Land is there waiting for you. And after all He has done for you; you turn around and publicly doubt His power to help you succeed. This is not only a mistake in judgment. This is shameful, sinful and faithless. The spies’ report was correct but their conclusion was disastrous.

A high school teacher decided to demonstrate to his class the dangers of alcohol abuse. So he conducted an experiment. He took one glass of water and one glass of whisky. He then took a little worm and dropped it in the glass of water. The worm had a nice swim and then the teacher removed the worm unharmed. He then dropped the worm into the glass of whisky. In no time at all, the worm was dead. He then turned to the class and asked them what the experiment proved. Whereupon one wise guy at the back piped up and said, “Sir, it proves conclusively that if you drink enough whisky you will never suffer from worms!”

The facts are there for all of us to see. The question is how to interpret them. If we have a preconceived position and then manipulate the data to draw conclusions that suit us, we may come off clever at first but in the end we may well go the way of the spies. Without faith, even the most accurate information can lead to the wrong conclusion.