GOOD SHABBOS 8 2 2018
Dear All,

The weather is TUKKA ‘Kooking’ in the ‘Ou Transvaal’, BUT…..we have had some very good rain……The Cape is looking bleak, and the people are already fighting at the water collection points…Hopefully they can avoid a total switch off……and as the drought worsens, warnings are being issued that the whole of the ‘Beloved country’ is living on borrowed time, water wiZe ………some good news is that W Day, has been moved backwards, and they should have enough water till mid-May, and this week farmers in the Grabouw area donated ‘Zillions’ of litres of water to the City Council of Slaaaaaaapstad….Biesel good news, and they reckon it is going to ‘Ploeg’ (Rain) in Slaaaaaapstad bigtime tomorrow……. http://www.capetalk.co.za/articles/291121/cold-front-approaching-cape-town-predicts-good-rain-for-friday?

Eishhhhhhhhh, soooooo good to see some real Rugger again……. The 6 nations started and Wales gave Scotland a real lesson in how to play Rugger, with a good crowd watching……Really was a one sided game with Wales winning 34-7…..
The French – Ireland game was very dour, with the Irish all over the French, and for some unknown reason, not letting the ball out to the line, and thru 4 penalties were ahead 12-6, and then of course the unthinkable happened and the French got a try and went one ahead with a few minutes to go…The Irish kept the ball tight among the forwards for over 40 moves, and eventually got the ball to Sexton, who dropped a goal in the last move of the game….and the Irish won 15-13…….not entertaining Rugger at all, BUT….they deserved to win, and in the end were lucky to pull it off…..
The Poms wiped the Italians out in a very one sided game…………

For non- ‘Dutchman’ speakers – a Hasie is a rabbit!
Onderwyser: As ek vir jou twee hasies gee, en nog twee hasies en nog twee, hoeveel sal jy he?
Jannie: Sewe, meneer.
Onderwyser: Nee, luister mooi. As ek vir jou twee hasies gee, en nog twee en nog twee, hoeveel hasies sal jy hê?
Jannie: Sewe.
Onderwyser: Kom ek stel dit anders. As ek vir jou twee motors gee, en nog twee en nog twee, hoeveel motors sal jy hê?
Jannie: Ses.
Onderwyser: Mooi so. Nou as ek vir jou twee hasies gee en nog twee en nog twee, hoeveel hasies sal jy hê?
Jannie: Sewe!
Onderwyser: Hoe de moer kom jy by sewe uit?
Jannie: Ek het 'n een ‘blerrie’ hasie by die huis!!! (Pragtag……………)

The Protea’s got smashed in the first ODI, and in the process lost Captain, Faf Du Plessis to an injured finger…….We Tukka got thrashed, and again the Batsmen could just not buckle down and get scores……besides Faf’s century the rest were dismal….. The second ODI was TRAGIC…….and when I wrote as far back as 2/3 years ago, that ‘our’ heroes could not play spin, I got back plenty hate mail, suggesting I am talking ‘Bobbameises’……. 3 years later, we still cannot play spin, and even worse, still cannot bat…….Batting has been a bit Shwagg in the past, BUT….the bowlers are giving it everything…..Injuries are a worry, as FAF, ‘Kockie” and ABE are out due to injury for a while Last night’s game was another disaster with the Batsmen just folding…..To spin………. Could it be 6-0…???? I am sure we can win one/two???? ………..

Husband to wife: Today is a fine day. Next day he says: Today is a fine day.
Again, the next day, he says the same thing: Today is a fine day.
Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband
"Since last week, you have been saying, 'Today is a fine day’. I am fed up.
What’s the matter?"
Husband: "Last week when we had an argument, you said,
'I will leave you one fine day.’ I was just trying to make sure you remembered"

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away!

A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there is also my son; that is confidential!"

Like we don’t have enough Tzorres with Zuma and his cronies, Alistair Coetzee is no more the Bok coach, and of course the normal ‘Warrra Warrra’ about race etc….As I said when he was chosen, he will be out of his depth, and he definitely was…..BUT….Methinks that Rassie Erasmus is not going to do much better……As a Rugger Shpieler, I loved him, BUT….. as a National Director/Coach….Ag Neeee, he has strange ways, and what the Bokke need is a proper coach…..As I have always said, Nick Mallett would be the man…….. The coaches in Souff Effrikka will get nowhere until they overhaul the whole SARB…They are a corrupt bunch of hooligans, and do not have ‘Rugger’ at heart….. Jurie still there..?? and the rest of them…. Get an overseas coach, and cut the Bobbameises……..

Mendel goes into the optometrist's office. He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes checked."
She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."

Son: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.
Son: Well, at least you could try.

Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event?
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister...

Manchester United……….OY, what has happened to our GR88888888 club…..they seem to battle to win every game they play, whether it is top/bottom teams …Sanchez will definitely make a difference with his energetic play for the full 90 minutes….If ‘Poggie Bear’ put in this much effort, he would be world class…..They did manage to win 2-0…..Arsenal had an E-mazing win against Everton 5-1, even without a few stars who have left…and poor Liverpool had to settle for a draw….Chelsea also got hammered by Spurs…… Man City are the League winners……. And could pick up a few more trophies

Those in the USofA can get their supply of Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from Joburg Kosher Foods www.joburgkosher.com details at http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15' … Biltong & Wors back in supply….

"The best cure for the body is a quiet mind."
"The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie"
Health is not valued till sickness comes.
“It's not the wound that teaches, but the healing.”
All parts of the human body get tired eventually - except the tongue.
“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me.
You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
If you shut up truth, and bury it underground, it will but grow.
It's easy to see the outcome and yet overlook the process.
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not
Speak in a way, that others love to listen to you….Listen in such a way that others love to listen to you ….

Israeli Lawmakers Blast Poland’s ‘Holocaust Denial’ Law …………….
https://worldisraelnews.com/israeli-lawmakers-blast-polands-holocaust-denial-law/?

To truly remember the Holocaust, we must stay alert to prejudice ……..
https://www.newstatesman.com/2018/02/truly-remember-holocaust-we-must-stay-alert-prejudice

An Arab Muslim in the Israeli Army ………….
https://www.prageru.com/videos/arab-muslim-israeli-army

Not PC, BUT…………very different….. …. https://vimeo.com/248938863

Eli is a Genealogist of note……….. Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog…E-mazing news from 'Der Heims' & The 'Beloved Country'…. http://elirab.me/
Met up with Eli this week, who was here to give a few talks in Joburg & Slaaaapstad, his favourite topic is “ Zog nit Keyn Mol” ( a partisan song from the Camps during the Holocaust……. A good look at the Athur’s Road Shul History sent by Jan from Oekland… http://elirab.me/arthurs-road-shul-digging-up-the-history/

The Davis Cup tennis clash ended up with Israel beating Souff Effrikka, and it was a disgrace that a few ‘Mumzers’ turned up and tried to disrupt the clash……Years ago, this BDS should have been ‘put to bed’…It is toooo late now, and everything Israeli/Jewish will be attacked by them….the costs involved with security is no joke.. ‘Yidden’ that went to the Tennis said it was E-mazing…..

I put in a joke about ‘Chelm’ last week, and mentioned it was an imaginary place ….and was quite surprised to learn that there is Tukka a ‘shtod’ called Chelm from ‘Amolikke Yoren’, and Estelle mentioned that her family knew of a person who graduated from the Chelm University…..Estelle says that Chelm know known as Kelm, falls in Eastern Poland….Further mentions that Rabbi Ari Shishler’s ( Chabad Strathavon) Zaida Hersch Shishler, came from Chelm.. Quite E-mazing….Always believed it to be an imaginary place, like Van der Merwe, Bongani & Murphy jokes, etc

Got a translated Chelmer Joke from Estelle …
A Chelemer, rushing to the train-station meets up with a friend.
“Wu leifs tu” (Where are you running), asks his friend.
“Mein schwoger kumpt tsuforen vun Bialestock” (My brother-in-law is arriving from Bialistock)
“Ven kumpt er tsuforen” When does he arrive?
“Morgen var middog” Tomorrow before noon
“Is vos leiftsu yets” So why are you running now?
Morgen wel ich nit hobben kein tseit. Tomorrow I won’t have time ( Otazay……..)

Michelson, the winemaker murdered a fellow Chelmite.
The Board of Directors convened and sentenced him to death.
A murmur of approval swept through the onlookers at the trial, but the shames raised his hand to speak.
“I consider the sentence just” he began.
“However, if you execute Michelson where will we get our wine?
There is not another winemaker within forty miles of Chelm.”
The patriarch of the Board nodded and then addressed the townsfolk.
“It is true Michelson , the winemaker is too valuable to our community to dispense with him.
But justice must be done. Since we have two cabinet makers for Chelm and need only one,
It is decreed that one of them shall be executed instead.” (OY………………)

The 'Koppie' & Mountain climbers, Jeff & Jenni are still climbing every
'Koppie' & Mountain... http://lazarowhike.blogspot.com/ 'Gib A Kuk’
Still climbing every “ Koppie” and posting the most E-mazing Pikchaaaaaaa’s on their website ……. Garnet Peak Trail, southern part of Cleveland forest in San Diego County, a stunning part of the state….Kitchen Creek Falls looking dry.

My ‘Tzu ge Tzepeta’ (Cuzzie of a Cuzzie) Cuzzie, Grant Kaplan, who is one of the top US immigration lawyers, and has been doing it for over 25 years will be in Johannesburg, Cape Town & Durban from March 25-31, 2018, Grant Kaplan and his team, normally based in Boca Raton in Florida, would like to meet you face-to-face and help you with any immigration issues or queries you may have.
Tel +1 561 347 8440 or visit www.american-immigration-lawyer.com or email grant@gkaplanlaw.com to set up a meeting. Even with Trump’s tightening of the laws, Grant has the moves to put it together……..

Overcome with desire for a boat, Feivel bought one despite his Mom saying they could not afford it.
“I’ll tell you what,” he told her. “In the spirit of compromise, why don’t you name the boat?” Being a good sport, she accepted.
When Feivel went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side:
“For Sale.” ( A Yiddishe Mamma…………)

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars…..
Today everyone has cars, BUT….only the rich can afford horses….
(The Stables have turned………)

Wednesday is Valentine’s Day, and it brings back memories of the Blade Runner, who killed his girlfriend Riva Steenkamp…… What a day to pick…?? Reminds me of the St Valentine’s Day massacre…… Oscar is still in ‘Cheder’, and the longer prison sentence looks like it will stick…??? Valentine’s is an Absoluuuuuuuut Mishugus, with Roses (especially reds ones) at a peak, and of course if you order deliveries online, some do not get the gift on time, which of course , causes ‘Garotis’…… A few old Valentine’s Day ‘Yokes’….very few new ones around…..

A man went to his father and said:
‘Father, I can't take it anymore, my wife is driving me insane!!!
I want to kill her, but I'm afraid someone might find out I did it. Please help me?!
The Father replied:
‘Yes I can help you, but there's a but... you're going to have to make amends with her so no one would suspect that it was you, when she dies… You'll have to take very good care of her, be kind, grateful, patient, caring, less selfish, listen more and help her with chores... you see this powder here? Every day you have to put a little in her food. So, she dies slowly.
Thirty days had passed and the son came back and said to his father:
‘I don't want her to die! I have come to love her.
And now… how do I cut the effect of the poison?’
Then the father said:
‘Don't worry! What I gave you was rice powder.
She's not going to die, because the poison was in you!’
‘When we feed grudges, our love slowly dies. When we make peace with ourselves and with those who offended us, then we can deal with the other, as we would like to be treated.’
Then, we will have the initiative to love, to give, to offer, to serve, to care for... and not just have the need to win, to be served, or to take advantage of and exploit the other.
We all need to stop, pray and ask for that antidote called forgiveness. ( Biesel seriaaaaas for Valentines…)

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

What did the Valentine ’s Day card say to the stamp? ….Stick with me and you'll go places
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? … Hogs and kisses!
Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine’s Day, the side chick is you!
What did the painter say to her boyfriend? ….."I love you with all my art!"
What do single people call Valentine's Day? …. Happy Independence Day
What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? …… Yes, February 14th.
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentine’s
Day by 90 percent???? ....……Wedding cake……….
Happy Valentine’s Day, hope you all get some...... Chocolates that is ……….

You wanna hear the BEST joke? ……. Valentine’s Day……..!!!!!!!!!!!

A guy walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter, methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying the scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he approaches the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. ( Eishhhhhhhhhh…..)

‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’, the Robot on the Glenhove turnoff from the M1 has been out for two solid weeks, and during peak hour, it is chaos, especially if the poor Outsurance patrol people are not there…… Cannot believe that they would leave a busy intersection like that out of order for soooo long, and of course the ‘Kamikaze’ Taxi drivers, are all coming up the wrong side of the road, and of course not a Metro cop to be seen….. E-mazing……. Traffic in general, in Joburg has become horrific, with traffic jams appearing here, there and everywhere, even in off peak times……
The roads are in poor condition, and the Potholes are very irritating….

Anne Sclar's saying for the week….. Travelworx ; travelworx@telkomsa.net
Look for a way to lift someone up and if that’s all you do that’s enough ..

All we have heard for the past two weeks is that JZ would not present at the ‘SONA’ ( address the nation) today…….and after a ‘Zillion’ meetings and manoeuvrings, and a GROOOT meeting last night, the SONA has been postponed, which is a good thing, as I believe the opposition would have caused chaos, and eventually walked out….Not that it will not happen once The Buffalo speaks…..The EFF (Everything For Free) has warned that it will disrupt Cyril, because of his links with the Marikana massacre….. Although EVERYONE says that Zuma is going, Zuma says not yet……Have the ‘Buffalo’ and his Manne got the ‘Baetzim’ to show him the door…??
Methinks JZ will hang on as long as possible, ‘cause once he is gone, his Tzorres will start with all his old Fraud charges and Gunavis catching up….next week will be interesting …VERY

A renowned minister had come to town, and the auditorium was packed.
The minister was known to be so persuasive, that he could change a community's opinions with a single sermon.
For nearly an hour he paced, excitedly preaching on the evils of drinking and those who sell alcohol to the public.
The audience was enthralled, but the most deeply moved was a man who had just happened to step in, to stay dry from the rain.
The minister began to bring his sermon to a crescendo: "Who has the largest bank account? I'll tell you who—the liquor store owner, that's who! Who lives in the most expensive house? The liquor store owner! Who buys his wife Cadillacs and decadent jewels? You guessed it, the liquor store owner. And who keeps him in all this luxury? …Why that would be you, my friends, working people who spend all your hard-earned money on liquor!"
The audience rose in an enthusiastic ovation, as the organ played and the minister strode down the aisle.
The man who had come in from the rain rushed up to the minister and cried, "Thank you, thank you! Your speech was tremendous! You have changed my life, reverend!"
"Yes, my son. So then, are you saved—have you decided to give up drinking?"
"Oh no, reverend, not at all.
I'm going right out to buy a liquor store! ( Ag Neeeeeeeeeeee….)

Hard to tell who actually ‘bungled’ the severe water crisis in the Western Cape, with the DA blaming National Government, and they blaming the DQA….whatever the problem is, surely they can get down and do something, instead of bickering all the time, and not getting down to find solutions……. Trust me water tankers are not going to be a good solution, as the people will go ‘Mishuga’, and nobody will get from the tankers….Fights have broken out at the fresh springs that are available, and they have not even cut the water off yet…????

The Budget is around the corner, and our ‘Smooth’ Minister of Finance, Gigaba has his hands full….Money is still be stolen at an E-mazing rate, and the fiscal needs R50 Billion…..that is without JZ’s free education curveball…..Economists believe that Tax will got up, BUT….the main collection could come from raising the Vat to 16%..... …which is the easiest way to collect a ‘Kakhuis vol geld’….smoothly and easily……. They are going to have to cut the fraud in Government ASAP, as Taxes are already at killer highs…..

Jim, Dave and Eric die and arrive at the gate, St Paul explains to them:
"Heaven is a very big place and you need a car to get around.
The car you get depends solely on how faithful you were to your spouse while you were alive".
Jim was married for 15 years and cheated on his wife 3 times so he got a City golf.
Dave was married 20 years and cheated on his wife 1nce so he got a BMW.
Eric was married for 50 years and never cheated on his wife so he got a Rolls Royce.
Jim and Dave were very envious of Eric!
A couple of months later Jim and Dave see Eric sitting on the pavement crying...
Dave asks: "What's wrong buddy?"
Eric replies: "I just saw my wife"
Jim asks: "So? Why are you crying?"
Eric says: "She was on a skateboard!" (Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm….).

Confidence is actually much better all round, and by the ‘Buffalo, ‘Ooooom Cyril going to Davos, and wowing the people, we could just come a ‘Biesel’ right ….
Meetings have started on time, which has been a definite no-no among ANC/Government bodies over the past few years, and it was nothing for JZ to arrive a few hours late, and not even apologize, and how many Ministers just did not show up at all…..Things are changing for the better…..

Eishhhhhhhhhhhhkom is still a ‘Groiser’ worry, with the executives running the place still trying to ‘Tzchuk’ the system, and the new board will have to cut all the nonsense out….’Zillions’ is being lost on these Crooked coal deals…….. They have made quite a lot of noise about attaching assets…..let’s see if they actually stick, and we get positive results, like money paid back, and ‘Tjookie’ for the BIG Gunovim…..

Gerald David’s Taxi Service is available for reliable and friendly airport shuttles and more. Contact Gerald on either 082 907 5507 or 011786 6580 (The ‘Yiddisher Shlepper’) ………. davids2@telkomsa.net

http://www.fridaypuzzle.com/

FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk'   at; www.binuns.co.za    …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665

Mazeltov to Natie & Celia Rabins @ Golden Acres on their 70th Wedding Anniversary. That is an E-mazing milestone…Their Kinderlach Hilary, Mervin, Farrell and Tali Metz are in Perth and wish their parents, grandparents many more….Mazeltov …. Saw them today, and they are doing very well….Many, many more….. Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/

Mazeltov to Dylan , Zunnelle of Saul and Sorelle (Gross) Cohen on the occasion of his Barmitzvah at Sandton Shul….To grandparents Roy & Lesley Cohen and
Solly & Adrienne Gross … Roy & Lesley were at Sandton Shul for nearly 40 years, before making Aliya, and Roy’s Boet Melvin & Eileen went also…….Roy sand in the Choir for all those years, and his other Zunnelle Marc, was the guy I often wrote about who did Avienu Malkeinu on Yomtov…..what a sweet voice he had….Marc is in Tooo-Run- Tooo these days with his Brother & Sister and families….Marc was at School with my Zunnelle Martin……. The Gross family are originally from Pretoria and Solly still has his law practise there……. Quite E-mazing that every year I end up having a ‘Goef’ with Solly @ Clifton, and this December was no different, and we ‘Huck’ a lot about ‘der heim’..Lithuania……. The Barmy was at Katy’s Palace, and it Tukka rocked…….’Friends’ did the Catering, and the Schwarma’s were E-mazing……The most incredible thing was that all the siblings of Saul & Sorelle were present at the Barmy, with their Kinderlach…… Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…
Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/

Mazeltov to Nicole (Courtney) & Dale Strime on their Chasene @ Katy’s Palace ….Mazzies to Deena & Colin Strime & Dominic & Brenda Courtnney ….A Chasene with a difference, which rocked for many hours…… The Chuppa Band did the Chuppa, and then it was just party time…….. Good to see that Dale’s life long Chavers, Clive, Baruch,Simcha etc were all there …fond memories of their Barmitzvah days ………Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/
A GR888888888888 Video clip of the Chasene by Arnoldo Mandel (MR. Mandela)..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1PWQODQF00&feature=youtu.be Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…..

Mazeltov to Mazeltov to Nicky ( Brodovcky) & Clinton Wolder on their Chasene in Slaaaaapstad recently…. I do know the Brodovcky family, BUT….not well….had dealings with Uncle Simon…… The Wolder’s I know very well, and Clinton and his Schvester Taryn worked for us at Stan & Pete….Clinton worked for many years….and has not stopped working, and it gives me GR888888 pleasure to see him so happy, and of course married…… I remember his Late Date Hilton waiting outside the halls to take the Kinderlach home after a function….Saw the pictures by John Armstrong, and they are Tukka E-mazing……. To Melanie, who has not had it so easy, Mazeltov….and lots of Nachus…..To the whole Mishpocha…..Mazeltov….
Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/

Sincere condolences to the Meyerowitz family on the loss of their Beloved Les….Les was a ‘Man among Men’, and I remember ‘Amolikke yoren’ dealing with him, when he had Dairy World, a Kosher dairy (world class), and if an order never got to us, he would deliver….a true Mench….. Les had 7 Kinderlach, 22 Einingklach, and 8 Great Grandchildren….. His Zunnelle has the Mooz Deli & Pie Works…… and his one Zunnelle Ron, who lives in Tooo-Run-Tooo worked for us a Mashgiach ‘Amolikke Yoren’……. Sincere condolences to the whole family…..

NATHAN, TONY AND LEN ARE NOW BACK IN THE ORIGINAL PREMISES AT MIDWAYS MALL 280 CORLETT DRIVE BRAMLEY GARDENS.  The new phone number is   011 887-5456
  .  CONTACT THEM FOR THE BEST DEAL ON FURNITURE BEDDING AND APPLIANCES. See
http://www.stantgsm.com/view-post/the%20%20manne%20are%20back%20in%20town/2201

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;
When Entering Your Vehicle and While Driving:
• Have your key ready, but not visible.
• Inspect the outside and inside of the vehicle before unlocking.
• Know your destination and directions to it, and be alert should you get lost.
• Always drive with your windows and doors locked and/or closed.
• Make a mental note of any Police Stations in the vicinity while driving.
• When dropping a passenger off, make sure that they are safely in their own vehicles before departing.
• Avoid driving through high crime or unfamiliar areas.
• Avoid driving late at night at/or the early hours of the morning when the roads are quiet.
• Drive in the centre lane away from pedestrians where possible.
• If possible, never drive alone.
• NEVER, EVER pick up hitchhikers.
• Never follow routine routes when driving; change on a regular basis.
• Do not leave windows open more than 5cm.
• Latest scam is they stick a plastic water bottle under your tyres, and when you pull off it makes a load crackle….Don’t get out to look, they are waiting to pounce….

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan
Smookler@netactive.co.za
Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………
Cell- 082-4547860

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,’ BH
Is Religion Still Relevant?

Cyberspace, outer space, inner space. Genome maps, globalization, going to Mars. Smart cards, smart bombs, stem cells and cell phones. Artificial intelligence, robots, and drones. There is no denying it. We live in a new age. Science fiction has become scientific fact. And the question is asked: In this new world order, with science and technology changing the way we live, is religion still relevant? Do we still need to subscribe to an ancient and seemingly long obsolete code of laws when we are so further advanced than our ancestors?

This question reminds me of little old Hymie Levy of London who somehow found himself attending a cocktail party in the company of aristocracy. Poor Hymie was completely out of place mingling with the lords and ladies of British royalty and high society. One Duchess was so irritated by this ordinary Jew’s presence that she confronted him directly. Oozing sarcasm, in her finest elocution, she let on to Hymie, Did you know that my family traces its lineage back to the very people who were personally present at the signing of the Magna Carta! Hymie Levy was unfazed. He gave a little shrug of his shoulders and whispered straight into the ear of Her Haughtiness, Un Mein Zayde Moishe vos poisonally present by de giving of de Tzen Commandments!

Have the Ten Commandments passed their sell-by date? Are Faith and Doubt, Murder, Adultery, Thievery, Lying and Jealousy out of fashion? Notwithstanding all our marvellous medical and scientific developments, has human nature itself really changed? Are not the very same moral issues that faced our ancestors still challenging our own generation?

Whether it’s an ox cart or a Mercedes, road rage or courteous coexistence is still a choice we must make. Looking after aged parents is not a new problem. Whether it was Adam and Eve or Michael and Sheryl the grass somehow always seems greener on the other side. For some inexplicable reason, the other guy’s wife, house, horse or Porsche still seem more attractive and desirable than our own.

The very same issues dealt with in the Bible - sibling rivalry, jealous partners, and even murder - are still the stuff of newspaper headlines today. So what else is new? Has anything changed? Yes, today we have astronauts and space stations, laser beams and laptops but the basic issues and choices human beings must face remain identical. Once upon a time the question was do I hit him with my club or slice him up with my sword. Today the question is do I call up the nuclear submarines or send in the guided ballistic missiles?

Technology has developed in leaps and bounds. Fantasies of yesterday are reality today. Communication, automation and globalization have altered our lives dramatically. But the core issues, the basic moral dilemmas have not changed one iota. We still struggle with knowing the difference between right and wrong, moral or immoral, ethical or sneaky and not even the most souped-up computer on earth is able to answer those questions for us.

Science and technology can do wonders for humankind. But they can also blow us all to kingdom come faster than Attila the Hun could have ever imagined. Science and technology answer How and What. They do not address the question of Why. Why are we here in the first place? Why should I be nice to my neighbour? Why should my life be nobler than my pet Doberman’s? Science and technology have unravelled many mysteries that puzzled us for centuries. But they have not answered a single moral question. Only Torah addresses the moral minefield. And those issues are perhaps more pressing today than ever before in history.

Torah is truth and truth is eternal. Scenarios come and go. Lifestyles change with the geography. The storylines are different, but the gut level issues are all too familiar. If we ever needed religion – or in our language, Torah – we need it equally today and maybe more so.

May we continue to find moral guidance and clarity in the eternal truths of our holy and eternal Torah.