GOOD SHABBOS 11 1 2018
Dear All,

The weather in the ‘Ou Transvaal’ was very hot, with a lots of rain over the yearend, and some severe Hail storms…..and then of course a Heatwave the past few days………… Slaaaaaaapstad was Slaaaaaaapstad, with some E-mazing days, BUT….a few windy days also…..the weather was not like in past years, and the Chief Rabbi Did a prayer for rain in the Cape, and there were a few rainy days…..

The Protea’s Tukka pulled out some magic IN THEIR WIN AGAINST THE Indian’s…..with everyone punting the Indian’s and the first 3 SA wickets to fall for under 20, who thought that we could win….I did not……BUT, the game was like a roller coaster, up and down, and when India only needed 200 odd to win, the Protea’s Tukka pulled a bit of magic to win the first test…….as I did say, Dale Steyn has been past his sell by date, and they must say goodbye to him already…..’Gonna be an interesting series….

A lady walked into a Police Station, the desk Sergeant said, "Can I help you ?”
"Yes," she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault."
"Where did it happen?” the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road," she replied.
"Can you describe what happened ?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me."
"Could you give me a description of him ?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and
over his knees, one on each leg."
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman," said the Sergeant.
"Yes," said the lady, "He was an." English Cricketer
"That's very observant," said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent ?"
"No," she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long." (Einaaaaaaaaaaah…)

The Aussies beat the Poms to a Pulp in the 5th test, and Methinks that the Aussies are getting back to their best…..They also have a few to say goodbye to….if they want to carry on winning…

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in the U.S.A. by boat, and one says to the other,
"I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling,
"Hot Dogs, get your dogs here,” and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs, please!," says one.
The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then, after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in a soft brogue whispers:
"What part did you get?" ( Eishhhhhhhhhhhh,….)

Those in the USofA can get their supply of Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from Joburg Kosher Foods details at' … Biltong & Wors back in supply….

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion. -
What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner
The luck of an ignoramus is this: He doesn't know that he doesn't know
I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit!
"Give yourself the greatest gift. Presence. Life is happening now. Don't miss it."
It is easy to come up with new ideas; the hard part is letting go of what worked for you two years ago, but will soon be out of date.
Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
“To believe a thing impossible is to make it so.”

Souff Effrikken’s in New Zealand…………

The Uncomfortable Truth About Swedish Anti-Semitism …..

For the full speech by King Goodwill Zwelithini:
Says that Israel must stay as a partner of ‘The Beloved Country’…..

The Shabbos services at Marais Road Shul, were Again top notch……..The Shul was full and they had a lot of visiting ‘Choir Boys’, Chazzans and Singers…….feel very welcome at the Shul, as they Tukka go out of their way to put on a show for the ‘Vaaaalies’ and guests from around the world…….there were many Chasene’s that took place over the yearend period….. and the Kosher outlets were pumping …..

A hareidi man in Israel wanted to play chess daily but he couldn’t find anyone willing to play without prior conditions.
His Gur hassid friend across the hall would only play if the queen were removed from the board since it was not appropriate for a woman to be in such a public position.
The Yeshiva University musmach in the next building refused to play if the bishops remained on the board and the cross removed from the king’s crown.
The Mossad HaRav Kook graduate on the floor below wanted assurances that the chess board contained no shmita materials.
The Yisrael Beiteinu office worker wanted to pay him in advance to let him win every game.
The chozer bitshuva on the floor above refused to play until each castle had a miniature mezuzah in place.
His Shas friend from work insisted that the Black pieces must always move first and be situated on the eastern side of the room.
The yeshiva bochur next door refused to play until the army pieces were removed.
His American baby-boomer friend from California down the hall refused to play Blacks versus Whites.
His cousin, a Chabad chassid, claimed that the king could never die, so what’s the use in playing at all. ( Tukka……………..????)

Eli is a Genealogist of note……….. Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog…E-mazing news from 'Der Heims' & The 'Beloved Country'….
In the lead up to the UN Holocaust Remembrance Day on 27 January, I would like to share several quite different recordings of The Partisan Song, Zog Nit Keynmol.
These also appear on the website:

In a school cafeteria, the teacher placed a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. G-d is watching." Further down the line was a pile of cookies.
A little boy mades his own note,
"Take all you want. G-d is watching the apples."

Old, BUT…..A Classiccccccccccccccccc…..
A man buys a fabulous home in Beverly Hills, California.

He brings in a local workman to decorate the place. When the job is finished, the homeowner is delighted but realizes that he's forgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors. He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and instructs the decorator how to place them on the right hand side of each door except bathrooms and kitchens.
He's really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or won't put them up correctly. However, when he comes back a few hours later, he sees that the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction.
He's so pleased that he gives the decorator a bonus.
As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, "Glad you're happy with the job.....By the way, I took out all the warranties in the little boxes and left them on the table for you!"

Where were the ‘Yids’ in Cape Town this season….??? Basically, methinks that Slaaaaaaapstad was very quiet compared to past years, and one wonders if the financial strain, water shortage or the political situation…???? Their seemed to be a Zillion Tourists, BUT….local Souff Effrikkens seemed to give Slaaaaaapstad a miss…..

Many , many ex-Pats visiting Slaaaaaaapstad from all over the World…..Saw my OU Chaver Joel Linton (Ex Bloemfontein) who now lives in Boston…….Reckon if you were from Bloemfontein, U knew of Joel Linton…….. Bumped Trevor Rosenthal & family from OZ, who were out for their Cuzzies Chasene in Cape Town….Trevor was a year below me at Highlands, and was a very good Rugger/Cricketer……. His Boet Dennis was a year ahead of me (Chabad of Gallo Manor)…… Melvyn Gutkin from Miami and many more……… Pictures;

Things seem to change every year along Main Street, Sea Point, and the opening of the Press and their Knockdown Pizza store were very popular….Opposite Avron’s, they have opened the Mojo Food district……which was VERY popular, and the Baskin/Robbins Ice Cream was Tukka very busy……They also have a Kosher bakery and Hummus stand. The biggest surprise was to see that Erez Shaked, an ‘Old ‘warrior on the entertainment scene over the years (Sabra’s) …Erez has the Fish Counter & Shwarma Bar……..Erez and his 3 Boet’s were all involved in the entertainment industry…Micky & Ron are in OZ these days, and Eyal (Skippy & Doug) is also in Cape Town and has the Codfather in Camps Bay……Their Late parents, Romy & Israel were also in the Sabra’s band….Tukka a family affair…..

Had some E-mazing ‘Goef’s’ all over the place….Clifton after the new year was VERY swimmable, Muizenberg, which was good on a few days and of course the grotto Beach in Hermanus…… Eishhhhhhhhhhh, was sad to see what has happened in M(J)uizenberg…… Due to Vandalism on the HUTS, they have removed the doors, to keep the bad elements from staying in them, and the beach has lost its ‘Neshoma’ …..With very few Muizenbergers left that come to the beach……Methinks that it could die altogether, as that nucleus of devoted ‘Yidden’, are slowly exiting …..BUT…still worth a ‘Tunk’ in the Goldene Medina from ‘Amolikke Yoren’ …..

Mrs. Cohen was in her garden, hanging up her washing on the line when her gossipy neighbour poked her head over the fence.
"I hate to tell you this, Rachel," said the gossip, "but there's a rumour that your husband, Abe, is chasing young girls.
And at his age too!" she clucked like a chicken. "He's seventy-five, no?"
"Nuuuuuuuuu, so he's seventy-five," replied Mrs Cohen.
"So let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars - but when they catch one, can they drive it?"

Met up with a few Highlaaaaands North High boys….Uys Pretorius, Geoff Van Lear, and Geoff “ Fuzzy” Shar………always lekker to talk about WWW ….What Was, Was……..and had a good ‘Huck’……… I ended up going to Slaaaaaaapstad at the very last moment, and had very little Internet….. It Tukka was a last minute decision, and ended up a GR8888888 decision…….We drove down, and it was a good trip there and back………

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie.
He decides to test it at dinner one night.

DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At School.
Robot slaps son!
SON: Ok, I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story.
Robot slaps son again!
SON: Ok, it was porn.
DAD: ...What?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was...
Robot slaps Dad!
MOM: forgive him dear, after all he is your son.
Robot slaps mom.

The 'Koppie' & Mountain climbers, Jeff & Jenni are still climbing every
'Koppie' & Mountain... 'Gib A Kuk’
San Diego County-Cleveland Forest, Cuyamaca, Laguna Mountain, Palomar Mountain, Elfin Forest, Bernardo Mountain and more. They have posted quite a few hikes….

A priest once asked a Rabbi "what is Wal-Mart"…????
The Rabbi answered "It's the closest Jews will ever get to retail"

Rachel says to Sarah; Where are those fancy, shmancy glasses you bought Abe .????
I took them back to the shop…….
Why asks Rachel…???
‘Cause Abe’s still NOT seeing things my way…………Oey vey….

In life, it's not who you know that's important; its how your wife found out.

Always get married early in the morning. …….
That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

I think men who have a pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry……. Mmmmmmm…….

Guitar, for sale........ strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... …….One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, …….The more The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking... ….. I Gave Up Reading

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, ……… Don't Stand In Her Way.....

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, ……Snore And You sleep Alone

A Good Shabbos reader, Leon Moss , who is ‘Amper’ 85, lives in Israel, and as a past time, writes about the goings on in his retirement village in Israel ( not Protea), near Netanya ……….. Leon is also an ‘old’ boy of Highlands North High School………he mentioned that he has a few ‘Meisa’s’ and I said send them to me……I have put it on the info section…. Click here;

An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead'
The husband asked …… 'What are you talking about?
We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead ……'
He insisted, 'You are not dead.
What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.' (Oey vey……getting there…)

Anne Sclar's saying for the week….. Travelworx ;
I believe in hard work - it keeps the wrinkles o ut of the mind and the spirit – it helps to keep a woman going ….

During my Holiday, the ANC conference came to their senses and ‘Oooom Cyril’ was appointed as the Balabos of the ANC……. He has a lot to do, as being the Balabos of the ANC, does not guarantee him becoming the next Presidente, and he will have to be tough and weed out the Drek, if he wants to be the 2019 Balabos of the country……One of the harsh decisions was expropriating land without compensation….if done correctly, and fairly, it could work, BUT….if Zupta’s Gunovim get involved, it is going to be Shreklach…..

Filemon het 'n hoenderplaas gekry deur die staat se grondhervormings-ding.
Sy buurman was ook 'n hoenderboer en het kom kennis maak.
"Hoenderboerdery is nie maklik nie," verduidelik hy. "Ek sal jou 100 kuikens gee om te help begin."
Filemon was baie dankbaar. Die buurman kom loer weer in, so twee weke later, om te hoor hoe dit gaan.
"Hau, nie te goed nie. Al die kuikens hy het gavrek !!

Die buurman sê: "Ek kan dit nie glo nie. Ek het nog nooit probleme gehad nie. Laat ek jou nog 100 kuikens gee."
Twee weke later ontmoet hulle weer, en Filemon sê weer:
"Ek kan det nie verstaan nie....almal die kuikens hy het weer gavrek..."
Verstom vra die buurman: "Wat het verkeerd gegaan? Wat het jy aan hulle gedoen?"
Filemon: "Eish, ek weet nie eintlik nie.
Miskien ek plant hulle te diep.” (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…..).

The Conference also came to a decision that the Israel/SA ties should be cut to the minimum….Quite E-mazing, how with soooo much ‘KAK’ in the land, they have time for Israel…… ??????

After the collapse of Steinhoff ( named as Boere Mafia)……and I see warnings about Aspen Pharmaceuticals…etc, it would be wiZe to read the Bitcoin ‘Meisa’ below…..

A lot of monkeys lived near a village
One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys!
He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each.
The villagers thought that this man is mad.
They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each?
Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave $100 for each monkey.
This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold it to the merchant.

After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 200 each.
The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys!
They sold the remaining monkeys @ 200 each.
Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 500 each!

The villagers start to lose sleep! ... They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got 500 each.
The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.
Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week.
And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @ 1000 each!
He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought.
He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.
The merchant went home.
The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell it at $1000 each
Then the employee told them that he will sell some monkeys @ 700 each secretly.
This news spread like fire. Since the merchant buys monkey @ 1000 each, there is a 300 profit for each monkey.
The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage.
The employee sold all the monkeys at 700 each. The rich bought monkeys in big lots.
The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!

The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return.
But nobody came! ... Then they ran to the employee...
But he has already left too!
The villagers then realised that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ 700 each and unable to sell them!
Will Bitcoin will be the next monkey business?????
It will make a lot of people bankrupt and a few people filthy rich in this monkey business.
(That' is how it could work…..???.......)..Pasop………..!!!!!!

Gerald David’s Taxi Service is available for reliable and friendly airport shuttles and more. Contact Gerald on either 082 907 5507 or 011786 6580 (The ‘Yiddisher Shlepper’) ……….

FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk'   at;    …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665

Mazeltov to the Solomon Family in London, on the Bris of their Zunnelle…..Yosef writes the 80 word Vort for me, and started the actual Vort on my letter ‘Amolikke Yoren’….Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…..

Mazeltov to my Brother & sister in law on the celebration of their 35th Wedding Anniversary …. Which we celebrated with them in the ‘Grooooot Karoo …..many more ….

Mazeltov to Greg Williams and Nastya Datsun who got married in Tel Aviv recently…Mazeltov to Pauline (Blumberg) Williams and Mike Williams and the whole Mishpocha…..

Sincere condolences to the Krug family on the loss of their Beloved Elaine…….Elaine and her late Husband Eric were bowlers at the Old Jewish Guild when I started there 45 years ago…..and we have been in touch ever since….When I was driving through to Slaaaaaaapstad, I passed the Theunisen (Hennenman) sign, where I think Elaine and her Schvester Grace Kady came from….If not there pretty close by…… Sincere condolences to the whole family……

Sincere condolences to the Berkley family on the passing of their Beloved Neville… Neville has fought a hard battle the past few months, and I wish the family condolences on their loss…..His daughter Caron worked for us at Stan & Pete ‘Amolikke Yoren’……


MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;
• Holidays are ‘Klaaaaaaaaar’ and it is time to sharpen up……..
• Internet fraud is ‘BEEEEEG’ business these days…..never divulge your password, when requested online……
• When calling service providers to assist when your ‘Komputta’ is Kaput, NEVER give the Pin /Password……
• Change your Pin / Password regularly…….

With the Yearend past, the ‘Gunovim are back with a vengeance……
Hijacking tips……………..for worldwide use……Do not lose your temper, threaten or challenge the hijacker.
• Do not resist, especially if the hijacker has a weapon. Surrender your vehicle and move away. Try to put as much distance between yourself and the hijacker(s) as speedily as possible.
• Do not reach for your purse or valuables. Leave everything in the vehicle.
• Try to remain calm at all times and do not show signs of aggression.
• Be compliant to all demands set by the perpetrator.
• Do not make eye contact with the hijacker. He may perceive this behaviour as a threat and retaliate aggressively.
• Keep your hands still and visible to the hijacker, so as to give him assurance of your passive content.
• Do not speak too fast (if you are able to talk) and do not make sudden movements.
• Gather as much information as possible without posing a threat.
How many people?
How many firearms and description thereof?
What were the perpetrators wearing (clothing)?
To which direction did they drive off?
Take note of the language they use (the accent).
• First phone the SA Police Service on 08600 10111. They will dispatch the medical services if needed. Other emergency numbers can then be used.
• Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan
Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………
Cell- 082-4547860

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,’ BH
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Throw Small Stones

Gratitude is an attitude; some wise man must have surely said once upon a time. The Bible in this week’s Parsha demonstrates just how far Jewish tradition teaches us to be grateful and to remember our benefactors.

Seven of the ten plagues occur in this week’s reading. Moses, messenger of G-d, is busy bringing down these terrifying plagues on Pharaoh’s Egypt. Yet, interestingly, he calls upon his brother Aaron to be the agent for the first three plagues – Blood, Frogs and Lice. Why did Moses not do it himself as he would do the others?

The Midrash, quoted by Rashi, teaches us that because it was through the agency of the waters of the river that Moses was saved as an infant when he was put in the basket. It would have been insensitive and inappropriate for him to strike those very life saving waters to bring on the plague. Seeing as the Blood and the Frogs both dealt directly with the water, it was Aaron who stuck the water rather than Moses. Similarly, with the third plague of Lice. The lice came from out of the ground and the earth, too, had helped Moses to cover the body of the Egyptian taskmaster he had killed defending the Jewish slave. Therefore, it would have been wrong for Moses to strike the earth and so for this plague, too, Aaron was the agent.

What a monumental lesson to each of us on the importance of gratitude. Firstly, do water and earth have feelings? Would they know the difference if they were struck and who was doing the striking? How much more so should we be considerate of human beings who do have feelings when they have done us a kindness. How scrupulous we ought to be not to offend people, especially those who have come to our assistance.

Secondly, Moses was a man of 80 years old at the time of the plagues. These incidents with the water and earth occurred when he was a mere infant and when he was a very young man. Yet, all these years later he is still sensitive not to strike the objects that had helped him. He did not say as so many have after him, “So what have you done for me lately?”

There are many theories as to why human beings seem to have this psychological need to tarnish the image of their past benefactors. Perhaps it is because we are inherently uncomfortable with the notion of being eternally indebted to anyone. It cramps our style and diminishes our independence. So if we find fault with those who have helped us previously, we absolve ourselves of any moral indebtedness. Now we’re even. I don’t owe you anything anymore.

The story is told of the Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, 1762 – 1839) that he once did an enormous favour for someone. Later, the fellow asked him, “Rabbi, what can I ever do to repay you for your kindness?” The Chasam Sofer replied, “one day, when you get upset and angry with me, please remember what I have done for you today and rather than pelting me with big stones, please throw small stones instead.” Sad, but oh so true. In a similar vein, I remember hearing my own Zayde say of someone, “Why does he hate me so much? I never did him any favours!”

This little story of Moshe, which is only an aside to the main body of the Biblical narrative, teaches us to remember the kindnesses that are bestowed upon us – when they happen and forever. If one who has been good to us in the past does wrong and needs chastising, let someone else volunteer for the job. He may need rebuking, but I am not the one to do it. Yet again, the Torah teaches us not only religious ritual but how to be better people, more sensitive and yes, eternally grateful human beings