Good Shabbos 17 5 2018 

Dear All,


The weather is cooooling in the ‘Ou Transvaal’ with colder days also…..’Koue winter kom’ ……. And they reckon the Cape had some good rain last week, BUT…..U don’t see anything in the news..????


The Super15 Chugs along, and round 13 went virtually as I predicted…..


The ‘Mighty Lions’ (OY…) could have beaten the Highlanders, BUT…..there seemed to be no will to win, with some good moves, and then messing up …… Rohan was GR8888, as was Kwagga…..BUT…..they have to learn to play the full 80 minutes… Aron Smith was rested for the game and it could have been worse than the 39 -27


The Crusaders just managed to beat the Waratah’s by 31-29, and it was an entertaining game, very tense, BUT……  …. The first half disaster for the Crusaders was quickly fixed in the second half, and being down 29-0, won by 2….Just shows when teams play the full 80 minutes…..what a comeback…….. The Sunwolves against the Reds was another all action game with running and more running, and in the end the Sunwolves surprised everyone and won by 63- 28. Their first win of 2018…… and getting ready for the Rugger World Cup in 2019…


The Brumbies were all over the Rebels, BUT….took their eye off the ball late in the game and ended up losing 27-24, a game they should have won….??? The Hurricanes were not stretched in beating the Blues 36-15 in a much predicted outcome….. Looks like a New Zealand team will again win the Super15, as the opposition in OZ & SA are Tukka weak…..


50 Shades of …Golf….

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night......Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 

'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. 

The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading '50 Shades of Grey'......

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! 

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So--- Here I am! ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…Brave Golfer…)


The Bulls –Sharks was another local derby, which was fiercely contested, BUT…..in the end , the Bulls managed to get a well-deserved win 39-33, although they let the Sharks slip in and get a Bonus point….It was very close, BUT…..although it was a clean game with plenty running, there were still 3 yellow cards given, which spoils the game, and against foreign teams, could mean a loss…..   The Stormers – Chiefs game was Tukka exciting, with lots of running Rugger, BUT the Stormers could not get going, and even with home ground advantage , they could not pull off a win…..and a VERY tired Chiefs team were very relieved to come away with a win….. 15-9…very low scoring match indeed……


The new Bok coach, Rassie Erasmus was given a big life line by the SARB by dropping the 30 match Bok appearance for overseas Shpielers, which means he can chose anyone , anywhere if available……. That will help a lot, BUT…..he must steer clear of the Golden oldies playing overseas Bismarck, Vermuelen etc are finished already, and Frans Steyn should not even be an option…??? Couple of the Rugger writers are punting Adriaan Strauss as hooker…???Lot of talk about bringing in the older Shpielers…..and with the World Cup a year away, we need fit, young motivated Shpielers, and there are many, BUT…..when you get lazy and pick has-beens, that becomes a GROOOOOOT problem….Lucky Habanananana called it a day, or else they would have been punting him…??? 2nd June, we play Wales in Emeeeerika, and need to put together a ‘Bakgat’ team, if we are to be competitive in the tests this year…….that’s 3 weeks to go……


After sitting there for a while with his Jack Daniels, he yells to the barman, 

"Hey, you wanna hear a Blonde joke?"

Everyone in the bar immediately falls silent................?

The woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sailor, I think it is only fair, given that you are old, that you should know five things:

"1. The bartender is a blonde with a baseball bat.

"2. The bouncer is a blonde with a rounder’s bat.

"3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

"4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

"5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 

"So, think about it, Cowboy. Do you still ‘wanna tell that blonde joke?"

He thinks for a second....................................shakes his head  and mutters, 

"No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

That's when the ‘KAK’ hit the fan. ( One of my all time favourites…..)


E-mazing ending, with Manchester City, on 100 points and second United 19 behind…Eishhhhhh….Spurs did well to come 3rd. and Liverpool ended up in the top 4…..Quite interesting that Manchester United had the second most wins on 24….that is really strange, as it did not feel like they had won soooo many……

Next week’s Champions League will be a real eye opener if Liverpool can do the undoable, and beat Real Madrid…..???? Who knows….. and IF Manchester United can beat Chelsea on the 19th May ,in the FA Cup Final, it would be E-mazing…..BUT….Methinks United are just not there to win it….?????


E-mazing that Barcelona, with all their STARS, flew in/out for a game against Mamelodi Sundowns, owned by Patrice Motsepe …….. They reckon it cost over R100m to bring them out……. It created quite a BUZZ, and a week after the game was announced, they had sold the 85,000 tickets…… The game was lively, with Barcelona all over Sundowns, and to Sundowns credit, to lose 3-1 was E-mazing.. they had to start at 6.00pm so that it did not clash with the Europa final, and the traffic was horrendous, with them doing road works on the M1 on top of it……..It was to rushed, and Methinks not a GR88888 move….it was to honour Madiba’ s 100th year……


Wow, the Comrades is in a month’s time, and the Chabad of Umhlanga are again having a Shabbos special for runners, and will also be at the Race, 10th.June, to give ‘hope’ to the Yiddisher runners…. See details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15 


Those in the USofA can get their supply of Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from Joburg Kosher Foods www.joburgkosher.com  details at http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15'Get your Memorial Day specials……


We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.  

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do."  

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." 

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” 

I offered my opponents a deal: "If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them". 

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

There is nothing more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"  -  

 

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. 

It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail. 

 

"One man with courage makes a majority." 

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." 


Mi Shebeirach | מי שברך (a prayer for the IDF soldiers) featuring Chaim Dovid Berson 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq7H-xVx_s0&sns=em 


E-mazing pikchaaaaaaaaa’s of the Iguasu Falls in Argentina and other E-mazing sights……..

http://www.airpano.ru/files/brasil/iguasu/iguasu_eng.html 


Why is US State Dept Funding Palestinian Terror Education? …….

https://unitedwithisrael.org/why-is-the-state-department-protecting-palestinian-terrorists/?utm_source=MadMimi&utm_medium=email&utm_ 


So much for the 'new dawn': SA silent on Mideast atrocities .. By Tony Leon.

https://select.timeslive.co.za/ideas/2018-05-09-so-much-for-the-new-dawn-sa-silent-on-mideast-atrocities/ 


Nakba … The Arab Self-Inflicted Catastrophe by Eli E Hertz

http://www.mythsandfacts.org/article_view.asp?articleID=338 


Eli is a Genealogist of note……….. Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog…E-mazing news from 'Der Heims' & The 'Beloved Country'…. http://elirab.me/   ..


On Friday night I went to Sydenham Shul, as they were celebrating Hymie Sacks’s 90th. birthday, and they had invited Sydenham’s old Chazzan, Oschy Tugendtaft to lead the Shabbos services…..and it was E-mazing…..What a sweet voice Oschy has…..and the Choir were very forceful, led by Josie Stern….Chazzan Yudi Cohen was also outstanding, in the numbers he did…..they tell me Shabbos was unbelievable….. Hymie has been a choir boy for over 50 years, and is such a Mensch…..what a fitting birthday celebration for Hymie…….. ‘Biz Hundred un Tzvantzig’ ….


Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!

"Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason.

"Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!

"Husband - "Fine. We finished in less than 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse; I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the Button.

 

On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. 

I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.  

Of course I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – 

and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.

 She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.   

Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. 


She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. 

Now I'm in her room....clothes are lying ......the talking stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable.

 It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am.  There. You wanted the truth....you got it.


Wife – “Bobbameises” You played 36 holes, didn't you ..????  (Never happy …….. ????).


They had a Yom Yerushlayim celebration at Yeshiva College on Sunday, and it was fun for the Kinderlach…. Got a clip from Gail Pere\, about last year’s Yom Yerushalayim, This is a link to the Opening Night Extravaganza:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IqURFpiVZo    

At around 59:40 of the recording one can hear the wonderful & moving address by Governor Mike Huckabee, who happened to be in Israel.  (I think as part of Donald Trump's contingent).   He said he is praying and hoping that one of the things that will happen - that he would love for it to happen tomorrow - that he doesn't know if it will happen! ..... But that he looks forward to the day when Donald Trump is the President who moves the Embassy "to the only capital of the Jewish State ever in all of history .... YERUSHALAYIM!!"      .........  How E-mazing and wonderful that it has indeed happening right now, Monday 14th May!!  …..


A little girl was in Shul with her mother when she started feeling ill.

 "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl.

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the Shul and throw up behind a bush," said her mother.

After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. 

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the Shul and returned so quickly?" her mother asked.

"I didn't have to go out of the Shul, Mommy." 

They have a box next to the front door that says: 'For the Sick.'" ( Otazay………..)


The moving on the Embassy on Monday to Jerusalem has caused chaos on the Gaza border, and unfortunately as it goes on, there is no way to stop the peaceful protest (Sic), but to use live ammunition……what do the world want, if ‘Mumzers’ are let loose and incited to break the border fence, what must Israel do…??? Just allow them in, so they can kill, burn and break everything inside…..If one remembers how they carried on when they were given Israeli settlements in Gaza, and ruined the lot…..!!!!! The Souff Effrikken Government, who normally takes months to take any action, immediately declared that the Souff Effrikken Ambassador was to be recalled…???? The Gupta’s have all but ruined the ‘Beloved Country’ and NOT one has been arrested, and virtually no action has been taken…… When one reads the news, about young kids getting killed, one has to try and think who you are dealing with…???? Who sends kids to March….Only Mishugoyim…… https://select.timeslive.co.za/ideas/2018-05-14-zumas-ghost-lingers-as-his-cronies-gun-for-ramaphosa/ …. The sadness is that it will carry on until a new priority comes along……


This weekend is Shavuot, with learning through the night at many places, and speakers of high quality all around……. E-mazing that these days they actually have Fleischik dinners at some Shuls…… ‘Amolikke Yoren’, it was ONLY Milchik and the Blintzes & Cheese cakes were all over……In my early days we served Cheese Lokshen puddings and ‘Shaltanoses’….which were always a big hit….. Reckon the teens of today have never had a good Lokshen Kugel…….


Sung to the tune of "As Time Goes By" from "Casablanca"

You must remember this,

A bris is still a bris,

A chai is just a chai,

Pastrami still belongs on rye,

As time goes by. With holidays in view,

A Jew is still a Jew,

On that you can rely.

No matter if we eat tofu,

As time goes by. Old shtetl customs, never out of date,

All those potatoes someone has to grate,

One flame in the window,

Keep counting till there's eight,

To light the winter sky. In the Bronx, or in the Mission,

It's still the same tradition,

That no one can deny,

We roam, but we recall our birth right,

As time goes by. Dreidels and chocolate, never out of date,

Ancient Semitic glories to relate,

Blue-and-white gift wrap, ain't this country great,

And festive chazerai!

It's still the same old Torah,

It's still the same menorah,

We've latkes still to fry,

December's when I feel most Jewish,

As time goes by….. (Cute……….)


The 'Koppie' & Mountain climbers, Jeff & Jenni are still climbing every 

'Koppie' & Mountain... http://lazarowhike.blogspot.com/     'Gib A Kuk’

Still climbing every “ Koppie” and posting the most E-mazing Pikchaaaaaaa’s on their website ……El Chalten, Patagonia, Argentina: A long walk to Laguna Torre, below Cerro Torre and its glaciers and a little of (big) Buenos Aires…their last 2 hikes in Argentina….. and then who knows where…????


Rachel & Hymie Cohen were having serious discipline problems with their seven children. Saul decided to try something new. 

He held up an enormous chocolate bar and asked his kids who should get it.

"Me . . . me . . . me," they chorused.

"I'll tell you who will get it," continued Hymie. 

"The kid who promises never to talk back to me or your mother again and do everything we say."

Seven voices answered in unison: "its okay Dad, you can have it." (OY………………).


Israel’s win at the Eurovision competition this week, had a ‘Beloved Country’ connection….. The song “Toy” and its lyrics were written by Doron Medalie who is part of the Medalie / Zinn family from Benoni …. (Thanks Vic for the info) That’s quite something, and the win came on the eve of Yom Yerushalayim…… just in time to lift spirits…. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/may/13/israel-celebrates-after-netta-barzilai-eurovision-win 


A Good Shabbos reader, Leon Moss , who is ‘Amper’ 85, lives in Israel, and as a past time, writes about the goings on in his retirement village in Israel ( not Protea), near Netanya ……….. Leon is also an ‘old’ boy of Highlands North High School………he mentioned that he has a few ‘Meisa’s’ and I said send them to me .I have put it on the info section…Click here; http://stantgsm.com/category/info/15


A farmer named Van was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Limpopo when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.  

The driver, a young  Accountant in an Armani  suit, Gucci shoes and Ray Ban sunglasses leans out the window and asks the  farmer , 

'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'

Van looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?' 

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.  Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his tablet that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his tablet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.  

Finally, he turns to the farmer and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Van.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.


Then Van says to the young man, 

'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're a Member of Parliament', says Van.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.’ answered the farmer. 

'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. 

You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . .

Now give me back my dog. ( Eishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….)


Gosh, being a newspaper Mishugana, it has become very boring to read the jokes in the Star, Citizen and Sunday Times…..Miss Dov Fedler & Zapiro…..the current ‘imposters’ are pathetic, and I have not seen ONE decent political joke since the Manne pulled out (were pulled out)…..really sad, as a good cartoon depicting the days/weeks political happening was always GR8888888888…….


Anne Sclar's saying for the week….. Travelworx ; travelworx@telkomsa.net

Brighten your outlook……On your next grocery run buy some flowers and put them in a vase …


As I have often said, the ‘Zupta’ story is the Never ending story, with claims that even people trying to claim from their ‘Bankrot mines are skelms’…… https://select.timeslive.co.za/news/2018-05-10-guptas-may-be-trying-to-steal-another-r1bn/ and the amount is a paltry R1b…..and everyday the Gupta’s are fighting the authorities, as they want their Properties ,cars etc released, as they had not done anything wrong….Here is where the twist lies….Are there enough honest people left, who can be trusted to deal with them in an honest way, or are they all Gunovim…???? .. and bediseds all this, the Mines have been short supplying to Eishhhhhhhhhhhhkom, who are short of coal, at R150, and getting over a R1,000 per ton by exporting it….. Surely they can ‘GUP’ these guys already…?????



I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss.

 The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic,

19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. 

A few miles later, huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and was delighted to find  I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

So, I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful,

sexy woman I have ever seen in my life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes, and a sign around her neck that reads,

“If you catch me you can have me”.


Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days,

the same routine happens, and I'm gradually getting in better, and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day, when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

 So, I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are  you sure?" asks the representative on. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door, and when I open it find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes, and a sign around his neck that reads,

"If I catch you,. You're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week.

Signed …..SKINNY CHUCK


The ‘Buffalo’ is going to have to show an ‘Iron Fist’ if we are going to start showing signs of coming back from a VERY dark era…… He has not really shown any anger, and very seldom makes any type of announcement or plans for the future…… All we hear is the EFF (Every Thing for Free) shouting about land /bank reform without compensation, which is causing huge problems around the country…..

https://select.timeslive.co.za/news/2018-05-11-what-a-bargain-r50-and-a-bottle-of-booze-for-prime-land/


With Patricia De Lille being expelled from the DA, Bobbameises are going around that she will eventually join the ANC, to try and win the Cape voters over, and then wants a ‘’Kushy’ USA diplomatic transfer…….. Really pulling the DA apart…. When everyone was soooo busy trying to get rid of Zuma, they were all flying, now that he has been ousted (not gone yet..???) they have to come up with new ideas as people are now soooo tired of the State Capture story, they want improvement, and the DA will have to start focusing on that ……. http://ewn.co.za/2018/05/12/da-de-lille-matter-will-not-affect-service-delivery ... Methinks that her leaving, will cause huge rifts in the DA….and they will have to ‘Jack’ up some future policy commitments, and not just take everyone to court, and gain publicity that way….Time to put in place a plan of action and stick by it…….…..


Chappies ….Did U know …..http://stantgsm.com/view-post/chappies%20 %20fascinating%20story/5408    

The US shreds 7,000 tons of worn out currency each year

You use 72 different muscles while speaking


Justice Malala puts the ‘Zuma’ era in perspective, and says exactly what is happening, which is ‘Emess’….Zuma had toooo many Chavers that he ‘Shmeared’, and many are still in Government, and ‘Ooooom Cyril’ will have to take the ‘Bull’ by the Horns, and get them out, or he stands no chance of reviving the Beloved Country… https://select.timeslive.co.za/ideas/2018-05-14-zumas-ghost-lingers-as-his-cronies-gun-for-ramaphosa/ 


Gerald David’s Taxi Service is available for reliable and friendly airport shuttles and more. Contact Gerald on either 082 907 5507 or 011786 6580 (The ‘Yiddisher Shlepper’) ………. davids2@telkomsa.net 


http://www.fridaypuzzle.com/ 


FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk'   at; www.binuns.co.za    …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665


Happy birthday to my Princess Lauren ….many more ‘Poppie’….and to my Einingkel Erin, many, many more…….. And to my Einingkel Adam, who turns 3 tomorrow…and the haircut starts….. Many, more ‘Boychick’…..


Sincere condolences to the Pollack family on the loss of their Beloved Joe….. Came across Joe when he was involved in the Cyrildene Shul in the mid-sixties, and when I came out of the Army in 1971, I joined Pollock-Josset as an articled clerk….. Joe was Tukka a huge man, who gave direct answers, and was a very good Accountant….His Zunnelle Myron was also at Pollock-Josset in those days, and the offices were in the Highpoint building ,next to Ingram’s corner…..Eishhhhh those were the days…..Hillbrow/Highpoint are out of bounds these days….. In later years, Joe was also involved in the Oxford Shul, where we ran the Simon Kuper Hall for 30 years……Sincere condolences to the whole family…..


NATHAN, TONY AND LEN ARE NOW BACK IN THE ORIGINAL PREMISES AT MIDWAYS MALL 280 CORLETT DRIVE BRAMLEY GARDENS.  The new phone number is   011 887-5456
  .  CONTACT THEM FOR THE BEST DEAL ON FURNITURE BEDDING AND APPLIANCES. See
http://www.stantgsm.com/view-post/the%20%20manne%20are%20back%20in%20town/2201


MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;


Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………


With Yomtov this weekend, remember to wear reflectors when walking, and walk in groups…facing the traffic see CSO http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15 

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff. 


Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan

Smookler@netactive.co.za 

Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………

Cell- 082-4547860

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,’                                                                                BH    

                                          EVERY JEW COUNTS


Nine of the holiest Rabbis cannot make a Minyan. Enter one little Bar Mitzvah boy, and suddenly the Minyan is complete. When we count Jews, there are no distinctions. We don’t look at religious piety or academic achievement. The Rabbi and the rebel, the philanthropist and the pauper – all count for one; no more, no less. 


This week in Bamidbar, we read of the census of the Jewish people. This portion is always read on the Shabbat before Shavuoth, the Season of the Giving of the Torah. One important and obvious connection is that in the Torah, too, every letter counts. One missing letter invalidates the entire scroll. Likewise, one missing Jew leaves Jewish Peoplehood lacking, incomplete. 


If we count Jews because every Jew counts, then that implies a responsibility on Jewish communal leadership to ensure that no Jew is missing from the Kehilla, from the greater community. We must leave no stone unturned to keep those Jews on the periphery inside. Make sure they feel that they belong and are welcome – even if they haven’t paid any membership fees.

But it also means that the individual Jew has commitments and obligations. If you’re important, make sure you don’t get lost. You are needed.


Once there was a small town consisting of only a few Jewish families. Between them, they had exactly ten men over the age of Bar Mitzvah. They were all dedicated people and they made sure that they never missed a Minyan. One day, a new Jewish family moved in to town. Great joy and excitement; now they would have 11 men. But a strange thing happened. As soon as they had 11, they could never manage a Minyan!

When we know we are indispensable, we make a point of being there. Otherwise, ‘count me out.’


Today, we are losing a lot of Jews to ignorance. But sometimes we also lose them because we didn’t embrace them as we could have. At a time when they were receptive, we didn’t make them feel welcome.

 

Other faiths, ideologies and cults are using “love bombs” to entice Jews to their way of life. Yes, very often they prey on the weak and vulnerable among us. Anyone desperately seeking warmth, love and a sense of belonging will be an easy target for such groups. But there are lots of ordinary, stable people who crave these things too. Don’t we all? If the Jewish community doesn’t provide that warm welcome, we may very well find them going elsewhere.


Some years ago, we had a visiting Rabbi from Canada speaking in my Shul. His talk was about the very real threat of Jews for J. and Hebrew–Christians who preyed on unsuspecting Jews by using Jewish symbols and even so-called “Shuls,” or Messianic Synagogues, which are really nothing more than churches in disguise. He described how these individuals make every deceitful effort to confuse ignorant Jews into believing they are going to a “Jewish” house of worship.


A woman in the audience then asked, “Rabbi, if I am travelling out of town and want to go to Shul, how will I know if I am going to a real Shul or one of these impostor synagogues?”


The Rabbi laughed and said, “When you go into these places, they bombard you. As soon as they see a new face, a dozen people will come over to welcome you and give you a seat and a book and make you feel at home. But what happens when you go into a real Shul? Nobody greets you. Nobody looks at you. And the first person to say a word to you growls at you because you’re sitting in his seat!” 

Ah bittere gelechter!

Of course, we need to do more than just wait for people to come to Shul in order to make them feel they belong. We need to go out and find our people wherever they may be. Certainly, though, when someone does show a spark of interest - a soul seeking its source - we need to be there; as an organized community, and as individuals.


Indeed, every Jew counts. So, let’s count them in.