The weather was superb in the ‘Ou Transvaal’ for Yomtov, BUT…..all along the Cape sea line they had unusual spring tides with waves coming right up, and cars swimming in the sea……They reckon it was quite ‘Skrikky’…..Lot of damage to buildings/houses along the Cape Coast right up to George, and they are having huge rain falls… Have a look at his video….. Tukka ‘Skrikky’ not our type of waves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo5srgVJjKM …E-mazing views of many Souff Effrikken coastal towns…..
The second week of the Rugger World Cup was shwagg, with totally misplaced games taking place….The All Blacks beat Namibia 71-3, and the Bokke beat Romania 76-0 …. Noting could be read from these two one sided games….
'n Blonde Bankteller lê op haar rug tydens 'n bankroof.
Bestuurder skree "Lê op jou maag, dis 'n ‘blerry’ bankroof, nie 'n jaareindfunksie nie!"
Die oom sukkel ook maar met die Ingels. Kom in die restaurant, wil 'n hoender bestel, kan nie onthou wat is hoender in Engels nie. Die kelner verstaan net Engels.
Die oom sien die ou langs hom het 'n bord vol 4 gebakte eiers.
Hy beduie na die bord vol eiers en se vir die Ingelse waiter:
"I want their mother"!!! (Ag Neeeeeeeee)
France battled against Uruguay and end up winning 27-12….was a tough game, but after the first 15 minutes, thought the French would run away with it ….BUT…Uruguay put up good opposition…. Wales battled against Portugal, who gave back whatever they got….. It was a good warm up game for Wales……
Ireland beat Tonga 59-16….I expected a much closer match, BUT…..The Irish played hard and got a very good win…. The shock of the weekend was Fiji beating the ‘Wallies’….VERY tough game, BUT….the Fijians ran every ball, and were as tough as teak, making some crashing tackles….and although the Fijian lineout was not working well, they still managed to beat the ‘Wallies’, and that leaves the group wide open…
The last game was Japan against England and my Gosh the Japanese gave them a go till close to the end….I did not think at any stage they would win, BUT…..they gave the Poms a good go….That header try lost them the game…..what a fluke…..
34 -12 does not give the story of a tough game….
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating
St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'.
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, …'Shoite ….., Shoite !'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame..
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better
And takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
'Bi' Lord.... I'm Sloshed ,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawl’s to the door, hauls himself up the door frame,
Opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No Bloody' way'.
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'.
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says 'Bugger it' and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says,
'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to much to drink last night?'
Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was Bloody' sloshed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.' (Yislaaaaaaaaaaaik…).
The Premier league seems to be following last year’s route, with Manchester United losing points every week….in the beginning, and then trying to catch up, ….Brighton won 3-1…Chelsea drew with Bournemouth and are Tukka looking poor, after spending a billion on Shpielers….. Arsenal doing well and beat Everton, who have started very poorly….. Manchester city keep on winning and Spurs & Villa had good wins…. Liverpool struggle, BUT….got the win against Wolverhampton Wanderers
3-1 … The top 4 were the same as last year at this stage, Man City, Spurs, Liverpool & Arsenal …… Last night’s game was a shambles with new goalie making a shocking error which put Manchester United in trouble….Bayern were in total control and Arsenal cruised to Victory
The Protea’s Tukka E-mazed everyone by being down 2 games against the Aussies, won the last 3 and won the series 3-2….The 4th game was craZy with the Protea’s getting over 400, thanks to Miller and Klassen…..They ‘gonna battle in India with really ‘shwagg’ bowlers…….
Those in the USofA can get their supply of Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from the Biltong Guy www.1800biltong.com …all products are ‘Glatt Kosher’ ( in separate area)…., and they have a wide variety of ‘Lekker’ Biltong/Wors details at http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15 New Biltong supplier for the USofA
Worried about looking like a lemon (or worse) in shul? …… Finding the service impossible to follow?
"Shul Rules" is your ten step guide to synagogue confidence.
1. If you arrive after the start don't sit down right away, but instead open a siddur (prayer book) near its beginning (remember we read right-to-left) and spend 2 or 3 minutes turning slowly through the pages while mumbling under your breath. If you recognize any of the Hebrew words, say one or two of them a little louder so those around you can hear that you know a thing or two.
2. Ideally, find a seat just behind someone who looks like they know what's going on. (You can tell this person because they are likely to be mumbling to themselves under their breath). Make sure this person is using the same prayer book as you. Keep a note of what page they are on by casually glancing over their shoulder every now and again.
3. When putting on the tallit (prayer shawl) wrap it around your head for a few seconds while mumbling under your breath.
4. Sprinkle your time in shul with more barely audible mumbles as you look intently at the pages of your siddur. Again, the odd word, phrase or line spoken accurately and a little louder than the rest will go down very well.
5. Don't jump up whenever the person in front does so. They may be stretching their legs. Instead, wait a moment until a significant proportion of the congregation are standing. In this way, even if they are all stretching their legs you won't look conspicuous.
6. See those guys near the front that are wandering around with an air of assurance? These are the shammosim (beadles). AVOID EYE CONTACT WITH THESE PEOPLE or you may find yourself being asked to do something strange like opening the doors of the Ark or, heaven forbid, say something in Hebrew out loud to everyone.
7. The easiest way to look the part is to 'shockl' (sway back and forth). I have met people who have won international shockling competitions without having a clue about where in the service they were. Advanced shocklers will even shockl when everyone else is sitting. (Of course, sometimes this may be a disguised leg-stretch).
Shochling is an entire lesson in itself but there are two basic forms. The "lateral swing" is usually seen in ultra-orthodox congregations.
Here the practitioner is perfectly still from the waist down (feet together, naturally), while the top half of the body repeatedly twists at speed.
The "hammerhead" is more prevalent in mainstream orthodox shuls and, as the name suggests, the congregant looks as if they are trying to bang a nails into the floor with their heads. (I say "their" because women prefer to use this time for kibbitzing or kvelling over the way their grandson shockls.).
Shochling mainly takes place during a silent prayer known as the Amidah. This is about 10 pages during which you have no idea where everyone else is. All you do know is that there are some who would be contenders for the world speed-reading record whilst others, the truly devout, who really read every letter as though it were their last. You know when it starts because everyone takes three steps back, then three steps forward, then they bow. This is your cue to start shockling while turning the pages of your prayer book approximately every 15 seconds. The end of the silent Amidah is signaled by everyone taking three short steps back, bowing to the left, the right and the centre and then looking round to see who won.
8. Is the Rabbi speaking in English and yet you can't understand what he's going on about? If so, this is the sermon and it's your job to look alive. Paying attention to the sermon is a skill that may take many years to master rather in the way that one learns how to complete cryptic crosswords. The formula for this particular puzzle is fairly simple: The narrative of Torah portion you have just heard plus something from local or national news equals "you should go to shul more regularly" or "your home isn't kosher enough".
9. Feel free to talk to people near you at any time. Business, sports and general gossip are particularly appropriate topics of conversation. Seeking kavanah (intention to do mitzvot, good deeds) and listening to the sermon will be regarded with suspicion in most communities.
10. If you can keep your cool until the end of the service you will be rewarded. At last something that is familiar, and a chance to clear your throat and give it some as you bash out Ein Kelohaynu and Adon Olam just like you did at cheder all those years ago.
One final word of Warning. If it goes well and you feel confident enough to go back for a second week running you will be classified as a regular.
This means there is a very good chance you will be asked to be the next President of the shul. (HAPPY NEW YEAR & WELL OVER THE FAST 5784)
The 'Koppie' & Mountain climbers, Jeff & Jenni are still climbing every
'Koppie' & Mountain... and posting the most E-mazing Pichaaaaaa’s on their website http://lazarowhike.blogspot.com/….. 'Gib A Kuk’ … Bulgaria: Bansko: Banderitsa ski slope, providing a different perspective of the world and trying for a little self-understanding. …….. Polezhan: Setting out the features/sections of an experience to reach 'number 5' of the Balkan Mountains…………….
Rosh Hashanah at Sandton Shul was very Yomtovdik, and the Choir sang the good ‘ol Sandton tunes that I am used to having heard them for 45 years…… The Choir is small, BUT….very nice, and Chazzan Alter can still give a good tune and Medley….. Rabbi Shaw was very forceful and told a Joke which goes like this…… He met an old member in the carpark the day before Yomtov and said to him…..” Can’t wait to see you in Shul….!!! To which the member replied, it’s OK Rabbi, I have already packed away the Chometz…. (OY …VY) which reminds me of a famous Meisa which I have repeated many times….When I was a Kid my Mom would tell my Late Boet Hilton & Me that Shabbos Shuva is the holiest Shabbos of the year, between Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur, and we MUST go to Shul…..She used to drum it into us, and for the past 40 years have not missed one…… 20 years ago, when all the same Manne in my row were all still in Sandton/Beloved Country, I arrive at Shul, and Solly Zaidel shouts out.. ”Stan, have you got Yahrzeit??? And as he said it I remembered that it was not Shabbos Shuva that week, and the All Blacks were playing a Tri nations game….Dennis, Solly Brian ,Myron and the rest of the row grabbed me and sat me down…..It was one of the most memorable Shabbos’s I have had…..This Shabbos is Shabbos Shuva and I will be in Shul, and the next day Yom Kippur starts….
The E-mazing Coffee Table book, ‘The Road through the Grove’, which calls back the past, of the history from the Johannesburg Drive In along the BIG LB
(Louis Botha Avenue) to Hillbrow, and anything on either side from Highlands North High to KES, very few copies left, and I am selling them at R500 in the Johannesburg area and will get them delivered to you….. Don’t miss this E-mazing book…. What a gift!!!!!!!!! Drop me an E-mail at smookler@netactive.co.za … The stocks are running low, soooo don’t wait…….….
The Men from the Ministry have decided to NOT increase the repo rate this time around, in spite of the ‘Mighty Rand’ at R19-$$$$, and rumours of another MONSTER petrol increase….
The Lithuanian passports are still very much in demand, and Adv. Dainius Ambrazaitis is coming to South Africa and will be offering free individual consultations for Litvaks regarding their Lithuanian citizenship by descent.
They welcome all interested individuals to book their consultations through their online calendar by following this link: Always remember, Dainus ONLY charges if the application is successful…..
Consultations will be held from October 3 to 7 in Johannesburg and October 8 to 10 in Cape Town …..For more information about Adv. Dainius Ambrazaitis and IN JURE Law firm, please visit our website at www.lithuanianpassport.com.
Eli is a Genealogist of note…Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog… https://elirab.me/about/ ……. E-mazing news from 'Der Heim’s' & The 'Beloved Country' … Doing what he does best ….Everything …
Eli’s updates ….. https://www.facebook.com/elirab1 … Herzlia and Weizmann Primary in Cape Town are the first to come on board……. They will run this year, and plan to repeat in 2024…. See info on the Souff Effrikken branch
Kol Nidre services are about to begin when the Cantor comes to the Rabbi barely able to speak and croaks out "laryngitis"! What will we do it's a packed shul?
Moshe Mittenpupic overhears them and interrupts, don't worry rabossai, I know someone who can daven the whole service perfectly and can have him hear in 10 minutes!
Wonderful go get him right away! Moshe returns with a scruffy mixed breed dog wearing a yarmulke. What are you doing? A dog can't lead the service, the indignant Rabbi says. Patience Rabbi, give a listen and leads the pooch to the Bima. The dog is amazing!
He davens perfectly with a Melody so beautiful the congregation is swept away.
After the services the rabbi thanks Moshe and his dog and says, you know that dog is a miracle. Do you think he would like the Cantor's position at our shul? Moshe says, I can talk to him but he has his heart set on medical school. ( Oy A Shmeckel….)
Julio Woznica, a very special tour guide, speaking many languages….. and his Soweto Tours are legendary…. 082-654 4888 http://stantgsm.com/search/julio
A very expensive time consuming exercise went into operation to actually get rid of the Public Protector ….. On Monday, the National Assembly overwhelmingly voted to remove Public Protector Busisiwe Mkhwebane from office on the grounds of incompetence and misconduct… President Cyril Ramaphosa is now constitutionally required, diligently and without delay, to give effect to this decision…… With this vote, the National Assembly belatedly corrected its calamitous decision to appoint Mkhwebane as Public Protector more than six years ago. It has cost R160m in Tax payers money because in the house rules …. It should not be controversial to point out that the decision by ANC MPs, supported by some opposition party MPs, to appoint Mkhwebane as Public Protector was bad for the office of the Public Protector, bad for the country and its citizens, and, it must be said, ultimately also bad for the politicians who secured her appointment with the aim of using that office to target and discredit their political foes inside and outside the governing ANC ……. The Constitutional Court ruling that Chapter 9 office bearers were entitled to full legal representation during the Section 194 process no doubt contributed to the excessive cost of the process (the precise cost is not known, but amounts of up to R160-million were mentioned in the National Assembly debate on Monday) as well as to the interminable delays….. and Mkhwebane is still complaining that her own office was only allowed to spend R34m on her defence ,which was not enough….. and now they are saying that the new Public Protector Kholeka Gcaleka is also not a firebrand and a bit of a ‘YES’ person …. Although she understands the Law and knows it better, it might not be the best choice….Eishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…Must be the first time they have actually decided to get rid of someone high up not doing the job, never mind the cost…
One Saturday morning Abe and Hymie are walking their dogs passed the shul.
Abe says “Let’s go in. I hear they have really nice chopped liver at the Kiddush on Shabbat.”
Hymie says “They will never let us in with the dogs.”
“Just follow my lead” says Abe and goes into the synagogue.
As he thought the Shammas tells him “No dogs are allowed”.
Abe replies “but it is my Seeing Eye dog.”
The Shammas tells him, Sorry, I didn’t know. OK you can go in.
Hymie follows and again the Shammas says “No dogs are allowed.”
Hymie says, “but it’s my seeing eye dog.”
The Shammas says, “This is your seeing eye dog? A Chihuahua.”
Hymie looks startled and says “Is that what they gave me?” ( Ag Neeeeee….)
Sue Lyons has more than 30 years’ experience teaching all grades, language, literature and creative writing and teaches TEFL (English as a foreign language). …. Sue also runs Engleeeeesh classes……. Who knows, the Good Shabbos letter might become more refined. Contact Sue at ; suzannelyons625@gmail.com …….. Mobile; 082 8511510
‘GOKO’ Safaris offer Kosher Safaris Tanya & David Libesman are the Originators of the Tours when they take all the hassle out of Booking/Air tickets etc, and of course arrange for a Kosher Chef to accompany the Tour….. In Hoedspruit (has an Airfield) Devorah & Jesse Lemmer are there to do the finer details….. info@gokosafari.com
‘Young Julius’ Malema has been in court several times and acquitted of various criminal charges. Those who support the independence of the judiciary can hardly complain when judges find, according to the law, that he is not guilty….. But, in an age when there is a video camera in every pocket, the examples of him and other EFF leaders committing acts of violence and being acquitted have important consequences. …….Later this week, Malema and his co-accused Adriaan Snyman are due to ask the East London magistrate in his firearm discharge case to drop the charges against them. They will argue that the prosecution has not brought a case they need to answer…..even though there is camera evidence and witnesses,,,,,, Methinks they ‘Skrik’ for the Little Scoundrel’ and who can blame ‘Young Julius’???? He has such a good teacher, Jacob Zuma, the master of Bobbameises and delays…
Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent."
"What was the sin?" the rabbi asked.
"It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread."
"Nu, if it really only happened once," the rabbi said, "that's not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?"
"I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."
The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?"
"I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed."
"And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.
Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur." ( The Rabbi fainted….)
Minsker the Shlepper”… Paul Minsker has been singing in the Sandton Shul choir, and he does ‘Shlepping’ ….Besides Airport runs, Sun City etc., he also does ‘Shlepping’ of confidential documents…… 083-5426480 see https://www.stantgsm.com/view-post/pauls%20driver%20service/8242
During her flight between London and Tel Aviv 70 year old Leah gets terribly angry
This is because the kosher meal she ordered when she first booked her flight was not on the plane
And since she is not one to meddle with Leah complains to a stewardess
She finally asks to see the captain
Sitting on the other side of the aisle to Leah is Naomi Gold
When she hears of Leah's problem she leans over to Leah and says:
"I hope you don't mind me saying this
But I think it's a bit unfair of you to blame the airline for not having any kosher food on board today"
"Oh really? Why do you say that?" asks Leah
"Because today is Yom Kippur" replies Naomi ( Einaaaaaaaaaah…..)
The King David foundation as promised, are now taking ‘Nik Rabinowitz’ the ‘Mountain Goat’ from Slaaaaaaapstad Australia after their VERY successful tour of NY, LA & Tooo-Run-Tooo….. This is part of the 75th anniversary celebrations
In celebration of 75 years of King David schools, the King David Schools Foundation is taking hysterical comedian Nik Rabinowitz to Melbourne & Sydney as part of their “World Tuckshop Tour” - giving alumni of all ages the opportunity to get together, reconnect, reminisce, network and celebrate 75 years of Jewish education and the success of King David Schools. Iconic South African snacks and jokes from home will ignite instant bonds that come from a shared history and school memories.
They told me, "Follow your dreams..." ….So I went back to bed.
My wife has been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I ordered her a pair of football boots on line.
My wife asked me if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
A defendant was taken to court and the Judge asked him to state his name, occupation and what is the charge.
He replied. ‘’ My name is Sparks , I am an electrician and I am charged with battery. ‘'
The judge ordered.’’ Baliff put this man in a dry cell.’'
The next case was a murder trial and this Judge asked the expert witness, a doctor .
‘’ Tell me how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?’'
The doctor replied. ‘’ All my autopsies are on dead people.’'
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves, after marriage, the Y becomes silent.
Sidney and his wife, Mel, tried to spice up their marriage by buying a water bed.
But instead they started to drift apart.
Get your online copy of the Jewish Report https://www.sajr.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/2023-09-22.pdf or at your Local Shopkella’s… Gosh, the Jewish Business achievers awards are here again….. Date has changed due to the Rugger semi-finals…..It’s now on the 22nd October, 2023 @ 4.00 pm.……. And they are looking for nominations……. It takes place at the Sandton Convention centre and they also have it screening online…. Anyone wanting to join their mailing list https://bit.ly/jrmailinglistsignup
The Yiddish show on Chai FM 101.9 …….. Every Thursday from 10am to 11am.
Featuring he 3 Kaplan’s Ronnie Kaplan, Hylton Kaplan and Shoshana Kaplan …..…. All 3 are very well known in the community
From space the brightest man made place is Las Vegas
FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk' at; www.binuns.co.za …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665 …
Happy 70th birthday to Karilyn Kletz….Many more in good health….. Karilyn (Carletonville) is married to my Lichtenberg Chaver, Basil Kletz…… Basil and my other Lichtenberg Chaver Cecil Sher were at Potch Boys High 1961-65……. Both played various sports Cricket/Rugger/Hockey etc…..and Cecil came up for Yomtov and the four of them went to the Game reserve to celebrate Karilyn’s 70th and Cecil & Kathy’s 50th wedding anniversary….Mazeltov on these GR888888 milestones and I hope you saw good game in the Park…
Happy birthday to all the 20th September people….It was my 71st which I share with my Machuten’s brother Glen Barkhan ( old Highlands Boytjie-OZ), Stan Greenberg, who used to sit with us, Gail Nadelman (Oz) whose Late Dad Julius ran the Biltong King on Louis Botha cnr 7th street, and Arnon (Unky) Zangwill who was an all round sportsman ‘Amolikke Yoren’….still plays bowls in Tooo-Run-Tooo ….Happy birthday….many more in good health
Sincere condolences to the Kuper family on the loss of their Beloved Robin….. Robin was with my Cuzzie Sarge at Highlands and played Goalie for Highlands Park…. Very Lekker guy and always saw him around…..Sincere condolences to the whole family…
Sincere condolences to the Saul family on the passing of their Beloved Jackie passed away just after his 80th birthday…... He was a tennis player, getting into the 3rd round in Wimbledon in 1966 also playing in the Maccabi games 1967 winning gold medals….. He married Harriet Damelin, had 3 children and made Aliya to Israel from Durban. He became the national Tennis coach in Israel and then began to teach tennis privately. He is deeply mourned and very sadly missed by his wife Harriet, children Shelley, Trevor and Nina, grandchildren, siblings Sheila Ratner, Allan and Kim Saul, Maureen and Melvyn Klotz, Howard and Robyn Saul and Cynthia Saul, family and friends. ….His Schvester Maureen Klotz is in the USofA aand her Late father in law was Solly Klotz (The Don)…… Sincere condolences to the whole family…..
NATHAN FINE & MENDEL MEYER ARE ALWAYS THERE TO OFFER THE BEST DEALS ON TOP QUALITY BEDS, APPLIANCES AND FURNITURE. CONTACT THEM FOR THE BEST PRICE AND ADVICE ……… IDEAL FURNISHERS MIDWAYS MALL 280 CORLETT DRIVE BRAMLEY GARDENS
NATHAN FINE & AND MENDEL MEYER AND THEIR FAMILY WISHES ALL THEIR FRIENDS, FAMILY & CUSTOMERS A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELL OVER THE FAST.
PHONE 011 887 5456 …. 011 614 1351
Click on the logo for more information
MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000 for any assistance) of the week
FOR ANY EMERGENCY, SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY OR POTENTIAL THREATS SPECIFICALLY RELATED TO THE JEWISH COMMUNITY OR JEWISH INSTALLATIONS, CONTACT THE CSO ON 0861 8000 18
Always on the Prowl, looking for the Gunovim……..
With Yomtov on Monday evening, please listen to the CSO when at the Shuls, and they put out regular bulletins on the security awareness at the time …
Browse through their website , https://cso.org.za/ and have their Emergency number on your phone 086 18 000 18 …24/7 … 086 18 911 18
Hatzolah is also there in case of an emergency …Read their advice on the website https://www.hatzolah.co.za/ Emergency number… 0600 124 124 / 083 222 1818
Those walking to Shul, be aware of your surroundings and always wear a shiny Chevron when dark, and walk facing the traffic….
Try and walk in groups…
Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………
Call; MANTIS @ (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with their experienced staff.
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan
Smookler@netactive.co.za
Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………
Cell- 082-4547860
Sadly, Rabbis often officiate at funerals and are called upon to deliver a hesped, a eulogy. But the most gifted speechwriter cannot change the facts of life. It is what it is. We are who we are. We can make it sound better or worse but at the end of the day those who know, know the truth and you can’t fool the world.
Mind you, someone once did come up with quite an ingenious editorial formula for getting around the truth.
A prominent family decided to hire a professional genealogist to research and publish their family tree. Their whole noble yichus and pedigree would now be recorded for posterity.
After a few months of serious research, the genealogist meets with the family and says, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is you have a wonderful family tree. The bad news is that your late great, great Uncle Albert was a notorious criminal who was executed in the electric chair at Sing Sing Prison!
Well, in the end, after much editorial license, the Family Tree recorded the following information: “Great Uncle Albert occupied the Chair of Higher Electronics at a well-known American institution. His death came as a real shock!”
OK, so maybe they can forge the records here and there, but in the great record book On High and in the minds and hearts of men and women below there are no forgeries, no editing, no euphemizing, and no bobba meises!Just hard facts, plain truth, and unvarnished reality.
And the real question is not so much what will they say at our eulogy, but what will be our legacy for the next generation and forever?
And that’s why on Yom Kippur we wear a Kittel, the white, shroud-like garment, to remind us of our mortality. As the verse says in Psalm 49, ki lo bmoto yikach hakol, which in plain English means “you can’t take it with you!” Not your money, not your stock portfolios, not even your No. 3 golf handicap!
The one and only thing we can take with us is our good deeds. Every mitzvah comes along with us and stands at the Heavenly Court in our defense; and continues to speak volumes about us long after we are gone. Every good deed, every kind word, every encouraging act is eternal and everlasting. Every holy prayer, every act of compassion, every act of tzedakah, these are eternal. These we do take with us.
Or as someone once put it very well: “You can’t take it with you, but you can send it ahead!”
We are all familiar with the tradition of covering mirrors in a house of mourning. One of the reasons given for this is that we are all creatures of habit. And what happens every time we pass a mirror? We stop to have a look and to make sure everything is in place, and that we are looking good. We all have our own idiosyncrasies, don’t we? This one adjusts her blouse, this one his tie, the next one makes sure his remaining three strands of hair on his head are strategically placed and the fourth one repaints her lipstick or powders her nose.
But in shiva, when we are mourning the loss of a loved one, G-d forbid, this is the wrong time to get caught up in the silly vanities of life. Shiva is a time to focus on what really counts in life - the person, the values, and the legacy. In shiva we are suddenly jolted onto a higher level of existence. In one traumatic second, we are catapulted into a state of mind where we are more sensitive, more considerate, deeper people with a better appreciation for the frailties of life and the value of life. In a second, we suddenly understand that popular proverb: “Life is fragile. Handle with care!”
So at a time like this, to stand in front of a mirror pruning ourselves is completely out of touch with the reality of the moment. But we are creatures of habit. And that’s why we cover the mirrors, to make sure that we don’t get trapped by our little old idiosyncrasies, lest we be snared by the silly superficiality of it all.
At a time like that, we should be far more meaningful people, preoccupied with far more elevated issues. Not vanity but values. Not make-up or mascara but meaning. Not glitz and glamour but gratitude and goals in life.
And Yom Kippur is just such a time of reflection and being sensitive to the higher reality.
I heard of a rabbi who was sick in hospital and the kids at his Nursery School were asked to send the rabbi a Get-Well Card. One little boy wrote as follows:
“Roses are red, violets are blue. You are in bed but at least you’re not dead!”
As long as we are alive, we still have time to make life count for something more than a few bucks or a good golf score or a beautifully powdered nose.
And there has never been a more appropriate time than right nowto think about these things and to do something about it.
Rabbis are nice people, and they want to say nice things about people at their funerals - but we need some material! Please give us something meaningful to talk about.
May we all utilize the coming holy day and this rare, pensive moment wisely and productively? May the Gift of Life we have all been given be utilized fully and meaningfully. May we leave a legacy on earth that will speak eloquently of our time spent here? And may we never need a eulogy because Moshiach will be coming very soon indeed.
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