*|MC:SUBJECT|*
GOOD SHABBOS
22 February 2024
Celebrating 23 Years!
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Dear All,

 

The weather in the “Ou Transvaal” is Tukka unbearable….. The heat just sits there, and it is hot as hell……. And the temperatures have been as high as 35 degrees….Not used to such hot weather in the Ou Transvaal…… and to top it all, we have had sme violent late afternoon storms, that come and go in 20 minutes, cause chaos and the Schvitz is back…..


Eishhhhhhhhhhhhh, this URC is really pedestrian, and home team’s apposing each other is worse…. The Bulls beat the Lions in front of virtually no crowd at Ellis Park…. Really scrappy game, with the Bulls for wards dominating, and the Lions battled to keep up….. The Bulls won with a bonus point, BUT….a very slap game….

 

The Sharks were really poor against the Stormers, with the Sharks not being able to keep up with the Stormers for most of the day…. The Stormers managed to hold back a little recovery from the Sharks in the second half, BUT….the Stormers came thru in the end and won 24-21….it was a close score line, BUT….Methinks the Stormers were all over the Sharks who made to many errors…

 

Peter Stuyvesant advised that you are getting old when you used to smoke only after sex and now it is only one cigarette a year. 

Mr.Shmendrik was telling his old walking mates.’'

‘’ I just took the book - The joy of sex - back to the library. 

I loved it so much . I had to pay three hundred dollars fine for giving it back to the library overdue. ‘'

At the end of a meal in a Chinese restaurant I got a fortune cookie which said.

You will meet a beautiful dark haired girl. 

She will smile at you . You will give her money. It will be our cashier.

Shaychel went  with his wife to a coffee restaurant. After waiting for over fifteen minutes

his coffee arrived. Despite not being what he ordered he said.

‘’ Still better LATTE than never.’'

Eli was saying .’’ I do not get many compliments, so I was surprised when the cell 

phone company called me to say that I had an outstanding account. ‘'

Zuma phoned up a spiritual leader in Tibet. 

They sent him a large goat with a long neck. …Turns out he phoned DIAL-A -LLAMA .

Why are haemorrhoids called ‘Haemorrhoids’’ instead of asteroids?

 

The Protea’s lost the second cricket test but managed to play much better, and at one stage it looked like they might pull off a win…… They lost the series 2-0…… 

Was very sad to see that Mike Proctor passed away on the weekend….He Tukka was a warrior with the Bat & Ball, and although the overseas media gave it a lot of coverage, our local ‘Schmucks’ did not (Most probably following CSA line on ‘Vicer’ shpielers through the struggle years, which is a disgrace….. ‘Proccie’ was a Shpieler of note and deserved much better testimonials from local scribes than he got..???

 

The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket………………………

"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.

"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.

 

The captain insisted that Mike opened the innings against the other side's demon bowler. 

After the match, his mate Chappie came up. 

'How did you get on against the fast bowler?' 

'No problems. I was having my teeth out tomorrow anyway.'

 

A guy was limping, and his friend asked him what was up.

"You know, my foot bugs me sometimes. It's just an old Cricket injury."

"Uh, aren't you kinda old to be a Cricket player?"

"Oh - no - I never played Cricket;

 I just lost a bunch of money on the Cricket finals last year, and kicked in the TV."

 

Abe always played cricket on Shabbos. This troubled his wife, who asked the Rabbi 

'Is it a sin for him to play on Shabbos ?????'

'It's not a sin,' replied the Rabbi …. 'The way he plays, it's a crime!'  (Bittere gelechte…)


The Premier league was again a bit of a ‘not expected to win, win for some clubs’ ..The most important game was Manchester City v Chelsea…. What a shocker for Man City, as they should have won by ¾ goals, BUT…kept missing and that leaves Liverpool on top with their 4-1 win over Brentford….. Spurs in #5 spot on the log, are slowly slipping out of reach of the front runners, and must tighten up to remain in the top 4….. Man United are just behind Spurs in 6th and will Tukka have to do something special to get into the Top 4 …If they can …????

Those in the USofA can get their supply Biltong, Droe Wors and other Souff Effrikken 'Gerichten' from the Biltong Guy www.1800biltong.com   …all products are ‘Glatt Kosher’ ( in separate area)…., and they have a wide variety of ‘Lekker’ Biltong/Wors details at    http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15    New Biltong supplier for the USofA

 

“The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.”  — Ben Franklin

“Silence is better than unmeaning words.” — Pythagoras

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. — Napoleon Bonaparte

No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.” — Jewish Proverb

Great events make me quiet and calm; it is only trifles that irritate my nerves. — Queen Victoria

True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes. — Edward Wood

It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are the more gentle and quiet we become towards the defects of others. — Joseph Addison

I'm the one guy who says don't force the stupid people to be quiet. I want to know who the morons are. — Mark Cuban

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be. — Anne Frank 

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Circumstances are beyond the control of man; but his conduct is in his own power. - Benjamin Disraeli

"There are two kinds of light ― the glow that illuminates, and the glare ― that obscures." - James Thurber  

What is lofty may be said in any language, and what is mean should be said in no language. - Maimonides

To make a difference in someone's life you don't have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful or perfect. You just have to care. - Mandy Hale

“Society says you need lots of stuff to be happy. They are wrong.” – Joshua Becker

 

Lay of the Land https://layoftheland.online/2024/02/19/lay-of-the-land-weekly-newsletter-18-february-2024/   …...News from ‘The Land of Milk & Honey’…& the World …… Lay of the Land….    layotland@gmail.com 

 

Times of London looks at the ANC’s successes over the past 30 years…. Eishhhhh..

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/1f02007c-f724-48f0-9b28-8801b1a1d17b?shareToken=370e01ea637e3e4070cb5bf33453db20 

 

Enlarged Airport for Plettenberg Bay….Direct flights one day….???

https://www.plett-tourism.co.za/plett-airport-on-the-way-up/ 

 

Quite E-mazing how a total Schmuck like ‘Young Julius Malema’ sits on the selection panel to appoint Judges….. David Unterhalter, a top candidate was snubbed for the umpteenth time by ‘Young Julius’  ...Oy Vy….

https://www.news24.com/news24/southafrica/news/unterhalter-sca-snub-jsc-transcripts-show-malema-targeted-top-judge-with-claims-of-subtle-racism-20240216?

The 'Koppie' & Mountain’ climbers...  posting the most E-mazing Pichaaaaaa’s on their website  http://lazarowhike.blogspot.com/   …..    'Gib A Kuk’ The Koppies climbers are back home in the good ‘ol USofA  ….. Nevada: Las Vegas: 'Ze Frenchman', a different flavour from another attractive desert……. Most people know of Las Vegas, but very few have experienced the surrounding desert and yes, mountains, lakes, dam and river. The latter are gorgeous, the former, well, .... We think a good message for ourselves is that as we are in Las Vegas, love overcomes hate, or so we hope…..They reckon the City is CraZy, BUT…the surrounding deserts quite E-mazing…Luvly pictures

 

Going to Slaaaaaaapstad for the Flax /Brouze Chasene, so no letters next 2 weeks……..

 

Finance Minister Enoch Godongwana delivered his 2024 budget speech in Cape Town yesterday…….and not many surprises…borrowing has reached ‘Red Alert and is out of control, Taxes up slightly of Individuals and sin Taxes increased as usually….. No provision for NHI, although the medical tax credits were not raised…. See Budget summary from Mail I Guardian https://mg.co.za/business/2024-02-21-godongwana-inflicts-pain-on-individual-taxpayers/ 

 

The E-mazing Coffee Table book, ‘The Road through the Grove’, which calls back the past, of the history from the Johannesburg Drive In along the BIG LB 

(Louis Botha Avenue) to Hillbrow, and anything on either side from Highlands North High to KES, very few copies left, and I am selling them at R500 in the Johannesburg area and will get them delivered to you….. Don’t miss this E-mazing book…. What a gift!!!!!!!!!  Drop me an E-mail at smookler@netactive.co.za    … The stocks are running low, soooo don’t wait…….…. Anyone going near Palm Beach Gardens , Florida as Russell is trying to get a book there…. Drop me a line at ; smookler@netactive.co.za  

 

This past Shabbos I went to the Pine Street Shul, as Fay & Gaby Lazarus (97) were celebrating their birthdays and wedding anniversary this week….. I had my Barmitzvah there in 1964, 60 years ago, and the Rabbi was Prof Rapaport and the Chazzan Braitman……The Hebrew teacher My Himmelstein was a character…. In the early 60’s our next door neighbours were The Korb’s and Mr Max Korb was the chairman at the time so we went with his to Shul on Friday and Shabbos morning… Going home he would always say he never saw us in Shul, and we said we sat behind the Bima, and he sat in front with the Gabion …We used to duck out and play pinball and come back for the lift home…..Mainly Shabbos morning….. Next to the Korb’s stayed Evelyn Green, and Evelyn was in Shul this Shabbos also…. She still stays there where she gives piano lessons…. Saw soooo many ‘Old’ Chavers at Shul, some like Mike Baum used to sit with us in the 60’s and newer congregants who I had not seen for a while…. Seymour Chertkow (Victory Park) who did all the Kinderlach braces is there and his Zunnelle Mark is involved in the Shul…. My Discovery Chaver ‘Prof’ Harry JOFFE, David Marks (Klerksdorp) who was a Stan & Pete waiter, Selwyn Steinhauser, Etc, etc…. The Rabbi is Motti Hadar and the Chazzan Ezra Sher who has been there for many years, and the Shammos is Ian Bogatie who has also been at the Shul for many years….. Mazzies to Fay & Gaby Lazarus and many more in good health….. Really was a very nostalgic Shabbos for me……

 

Try G-d. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back"

Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible every day…………." 

"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees" 

"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"

Stop telling God you've got big problems……..Tell your problems you've got a BIG G_D!

 

Sex is like a payslip……………………………………. 

You can't discuss it with anyone cause then everyone will know how little you actually get.

 

A man of 33 gave up smoking……………   That was Will Power.

At 45 gave up drinking……………………… That was also Will Power.

At 60 gave up sex. ……………………………That was No Power.

 

Any one going on Aliya to Israel and has place in the Container ,David wants to send 2 parcels to Kibbutz Israel…one 23kg and the other 9 kg….will pay towards costs….Let me know… smookler@netactive.co.za …. I am looking for a Car if anyone leaving has one for sale….

 

Eli is a Genealogist of note…Eli Rabinowitz – 'Gib A Kuk' at his blog… https://elirab.me/about/     ……. E-mazing news from 'Der Heim’s' & The 'Beloved Country' … Doing what he does best ….Everything …

Eli’s updates ….. https://www.facebook.com/elirab1

 

The Alcoholic, the Smoker & the Homosexual ….

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, & one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

 The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.

The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music & smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor' s words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The Homosexual looked at the Chain Smoker & said,

"You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead." ( Pasop .........)

 

Julio Woznica, a very special tour guide, speaking many languages….. and his Soweto Tours are legendary…. 082-654 4888  http://stantgsm.com/search/julio     

Contact ; Juliowoz1@gmail.com           +27 82 65 44 888 …Virtual Tour ………  

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1g-fU4u5arkrC7zsQvl-SuL43GM3xqKEo/view

 

Cyril and his new side kick, Naledi Pandor have Tukka made it their life goal, to get Israel in Tzorris….They don’t let up for a minute, and the ‘Ou Mesadi’ is not even standing for Parliament after the elections….First we had Masaming who came with the Beetroot story to help aids patients, then we had Nkosanana Zuma with her cigarette & booze black out, and now the ANC have found Pandor….. They went to the courts to get Israel to stop, and the courts did not listen……. And a very good move by Bennie Gantz was to state that if by the start of Ramadan, the hostages are not freed they are taking out what is left of Gaza…..Move the pressure to them….The courts ruled that Hamas MUST release the hostages immediately, and not another word has been said….???? The Buffalo announced the elections on the 29th May to Coincide with the 30th year of ANC misrule…… at least it’s a Wednesday, so not that many L-O-N-G weekends……

 

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

 

All this pressure from the Hamas supporters has been shocking, and the USofA has said it’s looking into the AGOA trading treaty, and this has now got Cyril & his goons sending a delegation to the USofA….. I doubt the Americans will stop the treaty, BUT….. it has ‘Skrikked’ the local Manne from the Ministry and they will most probably still make a noise, BUT….will be careful not to overstep the mark…..

 

Hamas gathers 4,000 of their finest warriors at Israel's border. As they near the battlefield, there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. 

A short, curly haired, man stands, staring at the Arab army defiantly. 

 'Go to hell, you Arab ‘Mumzers’!,' yells the small Israeli guy on the hill.   

Come over here, you uncivilized vermin, and I'll tear you all apart!'

        Ali bin Abdullah turns to his commander, 'Send 20 men to deal with that little infidel Jew', he says. The commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Israeli.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Israeli appears again.

You suicidal schmucks!' he yells. 'Come on the rest of you!! 

Come on, I'll slaughter you all!'   

Ali Bin Abdullah is getting angry. He turns to his commander. 'Send 100 men to kill

that little son of a pig!' The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job.

Ten minutes later, the little Israeli appears at the top of the hill once more, his shirt torn to shreds, his arms and legs bruised and bloody.  'You camel dung!' he yells. 

'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, desert drek!!'

Abdullah loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM  OFF

THE EARTH!' he yells. The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men on horseback over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later, the little Israeli is back. His clothing is all torn; his face and body are covered in blood, sweat, sand and dirt. 'Is that the best you can do??? You fight like little girls!!! Come on!! Come and give me a battle, you filthy goat rapists!!!' he yells.

 Abdullah turns to his second in command. 'Take 1,000 men over that hill and don't come  back till you've killed him!', he screams. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill their fate.

Ten minutes later, one of the Arab militants appears back at the top of the hill. He's near

death, covered in blood and his battered face is unrecognizable. 

'Oh, exalted leader,' he yells. 'It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!'  ( Pragtag……………….).

 

Sue Lyons has more than 30 years’ experience teaching all grades, language, literature and creative writing and teaches TEFL (English as a foreign language). …. Sue also runs Engleeeeesh classes……. Who knows, the Good Shabbos letter might become more refined. Contact Sue at ; suzannelyons625@gmail.com …….. Mobile; 082 8511510

 

‘GOKO’ Safaris offer Kosher Safaris Tanya & David Libesman are the Originators of the Tours when they take all the hassle out of Booking/Air tickets etc, and of course arrange for a Kosher Chef to accompany the Tour….. In Hoedspruit (has an Airfield) Devorah & Jesse Lemmer are there to do the finer details….. info@gokosafari.com 

 

A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?" 

He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." 

The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too." 

 

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? 

You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

 

It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family. "And what does your Daddy do?" 

"He's a magician." 

"That must be exciting, what tricks can he do?" 

"He can saw people in half." 

"That is clever, and tell me do you have any brothers or sisters?" 

"Yes, one half-brother, and two half-sisters."

 

After 3 years, the wife starts to think that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents. 

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you. 

Husband: What’s up? 

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child. 

Husband: Well don’t you remember? 

When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, “Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.” ( Einaaaaah….)

 

The DA has lost the ‘Mojo’ and all they chant is ‘We are taking it to court’, and they are losing support daily, to all the ‘Popular Comrade’ parties….. Methinks that the ANC will still get very close to 50%, the DA will lose seats, and the EFF ‘Galeria’s’ will gain seats, and could just Pip the DA as the official opposition….Can’t see any of the other 300 parties getting anywhere near, even the ZUMA faction, who will take away from the ANC in Natal, BUT….not much else…..

 

American Doctors' Opinion of the Financial Bail-Out Package:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception. 

The Optometrists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, 

'Over my dead body!' while the Paediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. 

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said,

"This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward but didn't want to put their foot in their mouths; however the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.    (Bittere Gelechte……..)

 

On Monday the DL Link had their Annual thanks giving dinner at the Galleria, very near to where the old Joburg Drive In was…… Was Tukka a VERY good evening, and although generally a ‘sad’ evening, due to sooo many Cancer suffers….The Mood was E-mazing and Nik Rabinowitz really brought a great feel to the evening….The Dinner was ABSOLUUUUTLY superb, catered by Riva Flax…… The DL Link are Tukka the missing ‘Link’ in caring for Cancer sufferers, and bring soooo much assistance to those in need…. It was a wonderful evening…. Well done to Michelle Goodman and her Team, and to Robbie Segal for his ongoing support for the DL Link….. and to Liberty Life represented by Hazel Lerner on their total commitment to the DL Link…Pictures. https://www.stantgsm.com/category/pictures/4 

 

Minsker the Shlepper”… Paul Minsker has been singing in the Sandton Shul choir, and he does ‘Shlepping’ ….Besides Airport runs, Sun City etc., he also does ‘Shlepping’ of confidential documents…… 083-5426480 see https://www.stantgsm.com/view-post/pauls%20driver%20service/8242

 

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. 

"My father grows beans," said one girl. 

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy. 

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, 

"Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000." 

The idiot says, "Okay." 

The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" 

The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. 

The idiot says, "Now I ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" 

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. 

The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" 

The idiot hands over $5. (Kaylikka’s will get it eventually….)

 

The Johnathan Birin BIG band starts 2024 with a Bang at the Falkson Chasene…..

https://youtu.be/STtRSHWznJw?si=kIDhxSZE5mDU5gDH continues to go forward, and was Quite E-azing at The Feinstein Chasene on Sunday night…. Johnny is back, and he Tukka does read the crowd, and knows exactly what to play when, and how….He has many years’ experience and even where the crowd are very solemn, he manages to take over and everyone ends up having an E-mazing time…. Shakeach Johnny, Phil and the Manne…. Good to see you back where you belong…..

 

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. 

They're normally around 90 degrees. 

 

Gatiep and Gamat are hanging around in Mitchel’s Plein and decide to go for a drive in Gatiep’s car. 

Gatiep: “Bra Gamat, check bietjie my indicators if they still working…”

Gamat: “Aweh, my lanie, switch them on.” 

Gatiep: “Are they working?” 

Gamat: “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.” ( Ag Neeeee….)

 

I don't have grey hair; … I have "wisdom highlights"…..I'm just very wise.

 

How does an accountant make a bold fashion statement?

He wears his grey suit instead of the blue

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays?

He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

 

Yesterday I went to the Police Station to certify my documents. When I entered at the police station, I found a police officer reading the Bible, in the book of Genesis. I was very impressed so I asked him ' Who killed Abel, Adam's son?"

He answered, "I don't know, ask Sgt. Khumalo over there. 

He is the one who deals with murder cases..." ( Eitaaaaaaaa…)

 

In Cyril’s SONA Lullaby, President Cyril Ramaphosa joked that he was “looking for a pen” to sign the controversial National Health Insurance (NHI) Bill into law. Ramaphosa said the government planned to “incrementally implement the NHI, dealing with issues like health system financing, the health workforce, medical products, vaccines and technologies, and health information systems”…… Although this sounds great in theory, the reality is that the NHI will require substantial budget allocations — and there has been little indication of where the funding will come from….. They talking about an extra R15 billion to finance this NHI, and the biggets problem is, how will they stop the ‘Graft’ (Theft) which will be on a scale never seen….. One only has to looking at the Gonnif’s that got contracts during the Covid pandemic, and they fleeced the Government, showing NO ragmonis that it was such a shocking time in history…..The odd Gonnif actually got charged and thousands walked out Scott free with all the exaggerated tenders in there pockets….

 

 Ivan Chait, the Aussie will be in Johannesburg and Cape Town from 26 February 2024 to 7 March 2024. You can email him on ivan@imcmigration.com   if you wish to arrange a consultation with him while in SA  to determine your eligibility for temporary or permanent residence in Australia…. …….Ivan is a leading Australian registered migration consultant with 38 years’ experience. The entry criteria keeps on changing and its worth a chat if you are thinking of moving……

 

Get your online copy of the Jewish Report https://www.sajr.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/2024-02-23.pdf    or at your Local Shopkella’s… Anyone wanting to join their mailing list https://bit.ly/jrmailinglistsignup .. 

 

The Yiddish show on Chai FM 101.9 …….. Every Thursday from 10am to 11am.

Featuring he 3 Kaplan’s Ronnie Kaplan, Hylton Kaplan and Shoshana Kaplan and Judy Moritz …..…..…. All 4 are very well known in the community

 

Tsubrochen said to his girlfriend ‘’ If you do not marry me . 

I will hang myself from the tree in your front garden.’'

The girlfriend cried.’’ Do not do that, for goodness sake. 

You know how my parents do not like you hanging about our house.?’'

 

A politician had returned to Melbourne from an overseas trip on last Tuesday.

He was in bed with his wife when a flash of lightning lit up the room from the

terrible storm going on.

To his wife’s astonishment, he jumped out of bed and shouted. 

‘’ I will buy the negatives. I will buy the negatives.’' (Eishhhhhhhhh…)

 

Cecil Bass is here from the 19th to the 28th of February 2024 from the Land of OZ…… I He will consult in Johannesburg and Cape Town….He would welcome the opportunity to meet with your family, friends, clients or business associates who are interested in finding out more about migrating to Australia.

Please contact Lisa Pizzut-Nel to arrange a consultation.        lisa@hitchcock.co.za or 066 302 1839….See https://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15 for their newsletter ......

 

NEW Shlepper Myron on the Move…Myron Michels…….. Schlepp you all over the place… Contact 082 3273687 ….  https://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15

 

As I mentioned, give Fay Arluk a call if you need a Tombstone….. Contact Fay @  bobbifayarluk@gmail.com     or call her on 082-4899054 or 011-4850511  http://www.stantgsm.com/category/info/15

 

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.  The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" 

the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, 

"Honey, pick up that pen up for me." ( Eishhhhhhhhhhhhh…)

 

Some lekker ‘Lags’ @ http://www.stantgsm.com/category/jokes/5

 

Chappies……. Did U know ………. 

http://stantgsm.com/view-post/chappies%20 %20fascinating%20story/5408

Barry Hilton does the ‘Chappies’ Shpiel…… https://youtu.be/LlDAhw0LFpY

Minus 40C is exactly the same temperature as minus 40F

Christmas trees originated from Germany

 

FOR the MOST 'Jacked up' 'Yiddisher' Wedding registry, 'Gib A Kuk'   at;        www.binuns.co.za     …… Online Helpdesk … 0861 772 665 …

 

Mazeltov to Jaden Gordon on his Bar Mitzvah last week at Sydenham Shul…., Mazzies to Russell & Tammy Gordon and proud grandparents, Issy & Ruby Gordon, and Sonia & Ronnie Meyer,… Russell 50 years ago used to teach Judo @ the old Jewish Guild with Darryl Krowitz and my Zunnelle’s went there….. Ruby’s Schvester is Myrna Jankelowitz who ran Golden Acres for many years….. Ronnie, I remember dealing with 45 n years ago about parking at the Old Jewish Guild/Temple David….. Ronnie was with Southern Sun those days….. Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha

 

Sincere condolences to the Donniger family on the loss of their Beloved Maurice…… My old Highlands Chaver Barry Varkel is married to his daughter….Maurice came with his son to Sandton Shul quite often…. Knew his sister Mrs Sher also….. Sincere condolences to the whole family….

 

Sincere condolences to the Saffer family on the loss of their Beloved Anthony….. Anthony’s daughter is Sara married to my Zunnelle’s Chaver in Australia Ryan Stoller .. and Ryan’s Dad Roy is my Chaver…. Anthony was a very quiet soul and when speaking to him mentioned he was in the Police Reserve ‘Amolikke Yoren’…. His wife Minnie is Tukka a jack of all trades and VERY friendly….Sincere condolences to the family….

 

Sincere condolences to the Harris family on the loss of their Beloved Les…..Until his Mom passed away, they were always together …. Les worked a lot with the Late Isaac Reznick…. Sincere condolences to the family….


I get daily requests / Mapola’s that I left people off the list that had passed away…. I only write out people I know…..I often get info on the person who has passed on and use that also….. The Chevra Kadisha has got Funerals/Unveilings on their website and it is Tukka an E-mazing service to Yidden all over the World…. 

https://jhbchev.co.za/funerals-unveilings/        … Very informative & accurate.

NATHAN FINE & MENDEL MEYER ARE ALWAYS THERE TO OFFER THE BEST DEALS ON TOP QUALITY BEDS, APPLIANCES AND FURNITURE.CONTACT THEM FOR THE BEST PRICE AND ADVICE ……… IDEAL FURNISHERS

MIDWAYS MALL 280 CORLETT DRIVE BRAMLEY GARDENS

NATHAN FINE & AND MENDEL MEYER AND THEIR FAMILY WISHES ALL THEIR FRIENDS,  FAMILY & CUSTOMERS A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELL OVER THE FAST.

PHONE 011 887 5456 ….  011 614 1351


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MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week

  • Should you be a victim of crime…….

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  • Report the crime to the Police Station immediately or Call 10111/CSO.

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Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; MANTIS @ (011- 487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with their experienced staff.

Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos...From Stan and the Clan
Smookler@netactive.co.za 
Eerbare Makelaaaaaar van Suid Afrika ………
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Parsha of The Week 

Rabbi Emeritus 'Yossy Goldman,’                                                                                BH    
Sydenham Shul,

 

Who is a Jew? Who is a Kohen? 

                                 Spiritual identity goes beyond biology.

 

Who is a Kohen, a Jewish priest? Technically speaking, of course, the Kohen is a member of the priestly tribe of Israel descended from Moses’s brother Aaron and Aaron’s sons—the first Kohanim. Today, scientists claim to be able to detect the “Kohen gene” in those descendants’ DNA. It’s mind-boggling that, well over 3,000 years later, we can identify the descendants of a certain family and determine who is a Kohen through genetics.

 

But this is not only a question of discovering our biological lineage. There are often important halachic issues at play if one is a Kohen. As a member of the priestly tribe that once served in the Holy Temple, the Kohen is held to a higher standard in a number of areas of life. He may not act as a pallbearer at funerals and must keep his distance from graves. Nor is he permitted to marry a divorcee or a convert. Other rules apply as well.

 

As a rabbi, I’ve had my fair share of trying to establish with certainty whether someone is a Kohen or not in order to confirm, for example, whether he is allowed to marry a divorcee. I’ve done identity checks and genealogical searches, including trying to locate the tombstones of great-grandparents.

 

This week, in Parshat Tetzaveh, we read about the sacred vestments of the High Priest, the Kohen Gadol, and the ordinary priests. The High Priest looked quite majestic in his regalia. His ornamental garments included a decorative robe, tunic, turban, breastplate, apron and gold headband. He cut a very impressive figure indeed when he entered the Temple. 

 

But believe it or not, according to Maimonides, every Jew is a Kohen.

Just before the Ten Commandments and the great Revelation at Sinai, God told Moses that He had a mission for the Israelites: “You will be unto Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.” 

 

So, the entire Jewish people was given a mission on the mountain. We are all expected to be singular people with a particular mission. We have been made messengers of God, a “light unto the nations,” and to make the world a better place in every way we can. We are all part of the “kingdom of priests” and together we are called upon to be a “holy nation.” 

 

But what does “holy” mean? The dictionary definition is “sacred, dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose.” Personally, I have always preferred translating “holy” as “distinctively different.”  

Not every Jew is a genetic Kohen. The vast majority are not. But according to Maimonides, we can all be a Kohen spiritually. 

In his magnum opus Mishneh Torah, at the end of the Laws of the Sabbatical and Jubilee years, Maimonides states: 

 

What differentiated the tribe of Levi [which the priestly tribe comes from] was that they were designated and set apart from the ways of the world. They do not receive land, nor do they acquire for themselves through their physical power. Instead, they are the Legionnaires of God.

 

And not only the tribe of Levi exclusively, but anyone whose spirit generously motivates him and he understands with his wisdom to set himself aside and stand before God to serve Him. … Proceeding justly as God intended, removing from his neck the yoke of the many material schemings which people seek, such a person is sanctified as holy of holies.

 

So, figuratively speaking, everyone can be a Kohen. By dedicating our lives to a higher purpose, to more noble pursuits, we become part of the “kingdom of priests” whether our father was a Kohen or not.

 

If you weren’t convinced that Israel and the Jews have a special place in the world, all you need to do is read the headlines. That the whole world is so preoccupied with Israel, that they ignore the real atrocities and genuine genocides around the world in China, Russia, Syria, Iran and elsewhere, actually proves that we are distinctly different. 

 

Why do we attract the world’s undivided attention? It’s not normal. As Douglas Murray put it recently, “Israel is the only country who isn’t allowed to win a war.” Clearly, we are an exceptional people.

 

Many times in the past, however, Jews have been described as “a messenger who forgot the message.”

 

If we did, then Oct. 7 reminded us. It was a horrible wake-up call, but the mission is now well remembered. We got the message loud and clear. Even secular, unaffiliated Jews have woken up to the eternal reality of their true, inner identity; their separateness from the mainstream and their distinctive differentness.

But we must never allow that distinctiveness to be defined by victimhood. We must be what we were meant to be: Nothing less than the moral conscience of the world. 

In the Book of Kings, seeking to guarantee that her son Solomon will inherit the throne, Bathsheba says to her husband King David, “The eyes of all of Israel are upon you.” 

 

Eighty years ago, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, then the supreme commander of Allied forces in Europe, told his troops just before D-Day, “The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you.”

 

So it is with our brave defenders today. And not only our valiant warriors, but all of us must remember the message and the mission. 

With faith and fortitude, we must recommit ourselves to our national calling of being “a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.” 

And as G-d promised to look after the tribe of Levi, his “legionnaires,” so will He keep all of us—especially our soldiers and the hostages—safe and secure, forever enveloped by His loving and protective embrace. Amen.

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